


ncruuk's SG1 'fluff' one-shots (from the days of LiveJournal)

by ncruuk



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/F, femslash_fluff LJ community, imported from LJ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 21:32:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 25,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10579902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncruuk/pseuds/ncruuk
Summary: The consolidated collection of all my SG1 (mostly Sam/Janet pairing, maybe a few 'gen' as well) 'fluff' one-shots written back in the day of LJ, mostly in the 'femslash_fluff' LJ community @kimly masterminded for me to have fun in, and for which I'm very, very grateful as without that, I'd not still be writing fic now.Each 'chapter' is its own one-shot.[With thanks to the original challengers and providers of visual inspiration (screencaps/icons) - I've tried to include credit wherever possible with the original LJ username.]N.B.  These were written in 2006/7 - that's more than a decade ago, not to mention several hundred thousand words of writing ago....





	1. Wow...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how well this works - it's a visual gag I saw in the film 'Fantastic 4' that I thought would work well...btw, Jessica Alba was the original 'Wow' (for a bonus visual)....

"...and this connector will restrict your displacement..." bubbled Heimdall, only to be interrupted by Janet clarifying

"You mean you're gonna tie me on the end of that rope?" Just so she understood what the enthusiastic Asgard scientist was really meaning.

"Indeed Doctor Fraiser, you will be most secure..." intoned Thor, hearing the end of her comment as they arrived in the room where SG1 was waiting for them, "...the fabric of your suit and that of the 'rope' are designed to protect you to an extent that will not be necessary..." continued Thor, only to be interrupted by Sam

"Wow..." Feeling rather pleased with herself, Janet couldn't help pull her shoulders back a little more in pride, an action which saw Jack and Daniel's eyes widen even further.

The 'suit' had been designed by the Asgard who, whilst incredibly careful in their measurements, had been a little selective in which ones they took. As a result, whilst the skin tight, wet-suit like outfit fitted Janet perfectly in the legs and arms, the chest region was rather snug, resulting in her displaying a somewhat ample and prominent cleavage. Fortunately, the exposure the plunge neckline was causing wouldn't be a problem since she was only going to be wading into the goo, not swimming in it.

"...multi-phasic fibres? And you've managed to stabilise them..." As Sam finished her thought, reaching out, not for her lover but instead the length of 'connector' trailing from Janet's waist, Jack and Daniel couldn't stop their instinctive groans at Sam's geek reaction, both feeling rather sorry for the suddenly deflated Janet.

"For cryin' out loud Carter..." groused Jack, feeling it was his job to kick her mind into the gutter, just for a moment.

"Sir?" Sam turned her focus away from the rope to look in confusion at her CO. What had she done now?

"You're going out with Janet still, right? I didn't miss another memo did I?"

"Yes Sir...Sir?" Sam was even more confused, but at least she had Thor and Heimdall for company.

"And you find your girlfriend the sexiest woman in the universe?" continued Jack, wondering why it was his resident genius could be so dense...only to conclude it was probably because she was the resident genius.

"Uh, of course Sir..." thoroughly confused, Sam turned to look away from her teammates to look at Janet...

"Wow..." Suddenly she understood, and her expression changed from one of scientific curiosity to outright wolfish lust.

"Sam?" prompted Janet gently, when she could withstand the scrutiny no longer, inclining her head slightly to get her lover to come and stand next to her.

"Wow..." repeated Sam quietly, standing right next to Janet and non-too-subtly looking down the suit as she tilted her head so she could hear Janet's quiet whisper.

"Now you've noticed, can you go back to being an obsessive science geek please? I don't think the multi-phasic fibres are bi-directionally waterproof..."

There was a long pause as Sam's brain unscrambled Janet's subtle scientific point.

"Oh...oh!" Flashing another brilliant grin at her lover, signalling her comprehension, Sam turned back to her teammates, ready to resume their scientific mission....


	2. 11 out of 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Umm...this is more bittersweet and sappy rather than funny....
> 
> The CHALLENGE:
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  

"9 out of 10..." murmured Sam quietly, looking over Janet's shoulder into the crowd. The high score surprised Janet enough to turn to look back over her shoulder with what could only be described as a disdainful expression.

"Jolinar give you some secrets that I don't know about?" she asked sarcastically, wondering if there was something Sam was seeing that she wasn't.

"No..." Sam wasn't following, but didn't tear her gaze away from the object of her scrutiny.

"So what am I missing? He's hardly 9 out of 10...." suddenly Janet paused as she considered an alternative, "...You've not suddenly developed a thing for men in uniform have you?" she asked, turning back to reconsider the ceremonial guardsman in a new light.

"Look over his shoulder..." muttered Sam quietly, finally feeling now, at this hollow celebration, thrown in their honour, that she could be totally honest with her best friend. Obediently, Janet looked, not seeing what had caught Sam's normally low scoring attention.

"I don't see..." began Janet, only to stop when the crowds shifted slightly.

"Oh my..." sighed Janet, drinking in the fine bone structure and elegant body.

"9 out of 10?" asked Sam, amused but also relieved at her friend's reaction.

"Easily....but not quite 10..." breathed Janet, suddenly feeling bold.

"Oh?" Sam was curious.

"Yeah..." Draining the remainder of her champagne, Janet turned back to look properly at Sam, feeling some semblance of privacy now she had her back to the ebbs and flows of the crowd.

"What would make her a 10?" asked Sam, suddenly feeling like all the oxygen had been removed from her airspace.

"Your smile..." whispered Janet, amazed that she was finally admitting her biggest secret.

"You never said..." whispered Sam, fighting the urge to cup Janet's cheek.

"You never told..." whispered Janet, fighting a similar urge.

"Ah..." Suddenly, Sam was lost for words. Uncertain quite how to proceed, she decided that maybe getting out of the Stargate terminal was maybe a good plan. Easing Janet's champagne glass from her fingers, Sam carefully placed them on the floor, tidily out of the way, before silently suggesting that maybe they should take a walk outside, somewhere more private.

Agreeing, Janet set off, falling in step with Sam's gentle pace, happy to follow, neither of them trying to think too much but just concentrate on instinct and feeling. Just as the silence between them was about to stretch into potential awkwardness, Sam murmured

"You're 11..."

"Huh?" Janet was confused.

"Out of 10, you're 11..."


	3. Bless you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in need of some SG1 fluff....and no, not apologising :-)

"ATISHOO!" Sam's sneeze, which could only have been accurately described as violent, seemed all the more so when it echoed around her lab and up the corridor.

"You ok Ma'am?" asked a passing airman, hearing the extremely loud sneeze and deciding it couldn't help to stick his head into the lab as he passed.

"Huh?" Startled, Sam looked over her shoulder, surprised at the new voice, before realising the question

"Oh, fine thank you Greg, it was just a...." Anything more that Sam might have said was lost in yet another, if possible, louder sneeze than the one which had attracted Greg's attention in the first place.

Shaking her head, almost as if to clear some sort of ringing from her ears, Sam put down her tools and turned off her computer. That was the sixth sneeze in 10 minutes...it was now officially annoying.

"I'm going to take my sneeze to the infirmary..." explained Sam conversationally, shutting down her lab so that no one could accidentally trigger a small disaster by fiddling...

"Sneezing Ma'am?" Not that he would ever dream of questioning Major Carter, but going to the infirmary for a sneeze? Didn't SG1 normally argue very loudly against going to the infirmary?

"I don't sneeze..." declared Sam firmly, before flashing a dazzling smile and striding off in the direction of the elevator.

  

* * *

 

 

"Janet?" called out Sam, gingerly stepping across the infirmary threshold. Whilst the sneezing was annoying, she was beginning to doubt her earlier determination. Was it really so annoying as to risk being confined to the infirmary?

Before her rational self could remind her hysterical self that sneezing was unlikely to get her confined to the infirmary, especially considering she hadn't been off world for almost a month (surely that had to be a record?), a pile of boxes walked into her, startling her from her inner debate.

"Hey!"

"Oh, sorry Major Carter..." apologised the boxes, which was actually one of Janet's nurses, carrying a large pile of boxes of something.

"You ok?" asked Sam kindly, stooping to gather the fallen boxes and helpfully restack them on top of the pile the nurse was still holding.

"Fine thank you. Doctor Fraiser is supervising a stock take from bay 3 Ma'am..." explained the nurse, before setting off again, hoping Sam would appreciate that, carrying this many boxes of saline drips, you really couldn't stand around for long, whatever their rank!

"Thank you..." Sam didn't notice, already ambling off towards bay 3. Irrespective what her inner 'voices' might be thinking, her heart was now overriding all of them - Janet was around here and sounded like she could be 'buggable'!

"...23 bedpans...is that all?"

"Yes Doctor...."

"Didn't we have 50 last check?" asked Doctor Fraiser, concerned. Where had her 27 missing bedpans gone in the last six months?

"And then we had that infection from PX2-789 which SG4 brought home...." began the nurse, hoping his boss would remember it.

"Oh right, with the toxic vomit. We got through 27 bedpans?" asked Janet, knowing she'd ordered the bedpans to be sent, with their contents, to be incinerated, but not appreciated quite how many.

"Yes Ma'am..."

"Right, fill out a requisition form for another 27 then and I'll sign it..." began Janet, idly wondering why she hadn't done that at the time.

"Toxic vomit?" asked Sam, announcing her presence.

"Hey..." Janet spun round and immediately smiled at her lover, before continuing, "...it wasn't pretty - you were offworld the entire time. It was decided we wouldn't share that particular adventure with you...."

"Ah..." Satisfied she wasn't losing her memory, Sam took a moment to survey her surroundings. Janet kept a neat and tidy infirmary, even during a stock take, but it certainly looked a little different with the piles of medical supplies sitting on every available surface.

"You want something?" asked Janet casually, knowing better than to directly ask if an officer who had just walked into her infirmary was feeling ok...

"Ah, not really...." muttered Sam, kicking one boot against the toe of the other as she jammed her hands deep into her pockets.

"Ok..." agreed Janet mildly, refocusing her attention on the next item in her stock take.

"Is this correct?" she asked, amazed.

"Yes Ma'am..."

"You're sure?"

"We've double counted..."

"Hmm..." Flicking through the file, it became apparent what had happened. She had asked for 100 units to be delivered, meaning the units she used in the infirmary, only for the requisition to go through for 100 units as they were delivered, which in this case, was by the gross! Given some of their recent offworld surprises, the over order had proved very fortuitous, but still, there was a limit to how many storage cupboards she would allow to be filled with the bulky item.

"Should we have some transferred to the Academy Doctor?"

"Yes please..." Janet paused as she did the mental arithmetic, or rather,

"Sam, what's 74 times 144?"

"10656" came the prompt reply from her lover, almost without blinking.

"Thanks...transfer 10700 boxes to the Academy stores, which should leave us with 657...." began Janet, only to be nervously interrupted by her nurse.

"658 Ma'am?"

"No, I've just issued one..." began Janet, reaching onto the bed and grabbing a box which she tossed at Sam.

"Janet?" Sam instinctively clutched the box to her chest but didn't look at it.

"Kleenex, for your sneezes...."

"How did you know?" asked Sam amazed, the nurse deciding now was a good time to leave his boss alone, her interest in the stock take obviously gone for a few minutes.

"The guard in your corridor rang when you sneezed the first time - apparently it was quite impressive..."

“Ah…”

“You didn’t think I’d know?” teased Janet kindly, marveling at how often Sam forgot how well Janet knew her, but also, how effective the base grapevine was, both for social and medical gossip.

“Ah…” Uncertain what to say, Sam went back to kicking the toe of one boot against the toe of the other.

“They’re just sneezes Sam…that ‘thing’ you’re working on was found in a field so it’s coated in dust and pollen…”

“I’m getting hayfever?” asked Sam, amazed.

“Yup…” confirmed Janet, amused. Only SG1 could suffer hayfever inside a mountain in Colorado in December….

“Holy hannah…” and, on that amazed note, Sam ambled off back to her lab, her mind already back on the problem of the ‘thing’ as Janet had called it.


	4. Doohickey don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CHALLENGE: Sam's lab, flower, Sam/Jan, set by @kimly

"Hey Carter..." called out O'Neill, announcing his presence in her lab.

"Sir." She did not look up.

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked, stuffing his hands into his pockets and looking around.

"Working, Sir."

"On what?" Jack was intrigued, it wasn't like Carter to be evasive.

"An idea I had..."

"Cool..." And it was, thought Jack, very cool. It didn't matter what it was, exactly, just that it was Carter's idea and she was working on it. He'd had enough experience with the products of her ideas to know that, whatever she made, it would be brilliant and, well, cool.

"I hope so Sir. Did you want me Colonel?" asked Sam, standing upright again and rolling her shoulders. The circuit boards were small and, even with her large magnifying screen, the work was still fiddly.

"Not really..." admitted Jack, looking around her lab, his voice communicating boredom. Whilst Daniel and Sam always had backed up piles of work to shift when they were on Earth, and Teal'c always had some more American culture to explore, Jack didn't cope so well with their long periods of on-earth inactivity, with his paperwork threshold being rather low. In fact, Sam had once calculated it to be three signatures or 7 minutes, whichever came sooner.

"Top drawer Sir, have a look..." decided Sam finally, taking pity on her friend.

"Ok..." confused but willing to try anything for a distraction, Jack headed to Sam's desk and opened the top drawer.

"Gees Carter, don't you ever tidy up?" asked Jack, looking at the chaos that was the inside of the drawer.

"Yes Sir, that's for you Sir...." explained Sam patiently, refocusing on her circuit board.

"What is it?" Experience had taught Jack not to be sarcastic in these situations - his 2IC was incredibly intelligent and highly rational - if she wanted to give him a drawer full of stuff, there had to be a good reason for it.

"Doohickeys..." The word sounded strange coming from Sam, but hearing it caused Jack's face to brighten.

"Seriously?"

"Yes Sir..."

"I can mess with them?"

"Yes Sir..."

"Cool...."

"Carter?"

"Yes Sir?"

"I won't..." Jack paused, not really comfortable with articulating his thoughts, but knowing he'd better check.

"Blow up my lab? Not as long as you just play with the ones in the drawer Sir..." It was a sensible question, and an important one to ask in Sam's lab - you never knew what she had lying around.

"Cool..." Reaching into the drawer, he pulled out what looked like a U-bend piece of pipe which had been cross-bred with a Rubik's Cube and began to happily try to disassemble it. Amazed at how simple it had been to distract him into sitting quietly in her lab, Sam refocused her attention on her task, but made sure to not forget about Jack - he really was worse than a small child at times.

* * *

 

Concentrating on his task, Jack let his mind drift to the same place it went when he was reloading or reassembling guns in the field - mind clear, eyes wide open...but not looking at the piece he was assembling, trusting on his hands to work instinctively with the metal. Instead, he found himself properly surveying Sam's lab, taking in and noticing all the computers and weird physics related stuff, as well as the odd random book of some ancient language, probably lent by Daniel to help translate 'instructions' or something. For a physicist's science lab, it looked fairly weird; for an SGC lab, it looked pretty normal, until he saw...

"Roses?"

"Don't touch them Sir," came Sam's immediate and patient response.

"You have a bouquet of roses sitting on the shelf!"

"Yes Sir."

Doohickey forgotten, Jack ambled over to the shelf to consider them. Like someone with a sixth sense, just as he found his hand was reaching out to touch them, Carter called out

"I'm serious Sir, don't do that..."

"They're your latest naquadah invention?" he asked, obediently withdrawing his hand, recognising the tone - it was the same one she used when he was about to touch something that would kill them all.

"No Sir, just roses..." Confused, he turned to look at her. Like all good subordinate officers, Sam didn't need to see his face to know his expression was effectively ordering her to explain.

"It's Valentine's Day?"

"You get given them?"

"No, giving..."

"Getting a bit late isn't it?" asked Jack, glancing at his watch - it was nearing 2200, only two more hours until they gated to PX3-7T9 whose day was almost perfectly offset with Colorado's, explaining the night time departure.

"Not really Sir..." explained Sam, resigned to packing away her work. It was evident Jack really wasn't going to let her return to her work until he understood.

"You're giving them to someone on base?"

"Yes Sir..."

"Who?"

"My girlfriend..." explained Sam patiently, glad that THAT particular conversation had been had with her teammates a long time ago.

"Way to go Carter..." Anything more that Jack might have said was lost as the phone rang.

"Major Carter..."

"Yes Sir." Hanging up the phone, Sam turned to look at Jack, who already knew the answer. If he was in the room with her, and she was calling someone 'Sir', it could only mean one thing.

"Hammond wants me?"

"Yes Sir..."

"Alrighty..." and, as randomly as he arrived, he left, leaving Sam once more to her work.

* * *

  

"You're fit and well Colonel, but you knew that already..." declared an amused Janet Fraiser, finishing writing up his pre-jump medical report with a flourishing signature.

"I could have told you that without the needles and lights..." grumbled Jack, pulling on his jacket.

"Of course Sir...have a good mission...come back in one piece please?" asked Janet, as she always did. It didn't always work, but the tradition had developed nevertheless.

"You betcha Doc..." agreed Jack, pushing down from the gurney he'd been sitting on before heading out across the infirmary, past the Doc's open office door.

"Hey Doc? Nice roses..."


	5. Everyone needs a favourite show....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Umm...this is me potentially taking random to a whole new level....
> 
> The CHALLENGE: Is a cap, which is hidden in the story to avoid your fluffy fun being ruined.....

"What you watching?" asked Sam lazily, flopping down onto the couch next to Janet, who was happily enjoying her rare weekday off by indulging in some TV.  
  
"DVD..." explained Janet, obviously distracted by what she was watching.  
  
"Ah..." Amused at the slightly glazed look on Janet's face that she was now familiar with, Sam reached forwards and snagged the DVD case from the coffee table, intent on trying to identify the attraction of the DVD.

"Xena?" Sam questioned skeptically, considering the DVD case and not being impressed. Why did Janet want to spend her downtime watching a DVD of a show set in another time involving characters who, if the summary was correct, did sound a little too close to work for the blonde's idea of relaxation.  
  
"Shh...the good bit's coming..." declared Janet, adopting Sam's lap and chest as her new sofa, snuggling into the ever obliging astrophysicist's long, lean and surprisingly comfortable body.  
  
"Good bit?" Sam refocused her attention on the screen, wondering what could possibly be the 'good bit' that Janet was talking about...

"You've never heard of Xena?" asked Janet, now remembering how long this scene was, ensuring she had long enough before the 'good bit' happened to have a conversation with Sam about what they were watching.  
  
"No...though I think I might have seen it at the store....didn't appeal much..." admitted Sam honestly, absently running her fingers through Janet's silky hair as she remained focussed on the screen, determined not to miss this 'good bit'.

"Are you gay sweetheart?" teased Janet kindly, softening her comment with a breathtaking smile at her lover. Used to the teasing, especially when a bit of what Janet or Cassandra classed as essential pop culture had passed her by, Sam cracked a broad grin of her own before countering,

"Yeah, definitely gay...but can I use not being on the planet much as a good excuse?"  
  
"No...not this time....Xena's been around for years..." explained Janet, before getting ready for the good bit, which this time, really was coming up soon.  
  
"O...k...." Sam still wasn't convinced by what she was seeing on the screen.  
  
"Ancient Greece?" she queried, finally being able to place the context of the show and being thoroughly unimpressed - she had enough of anthropomorphic polytheistic cultures at work....why on earth or any other planet (not, thought Sam idly, that any other planet seemed to have invented something as frivolous as television) did Janet want to watch this on her day off?

"Yeah, ignore that sweetie..." began Janet, only to be cut off by Sam, as the screen was filled with

  
"That's the good bit?" she asked suddenly, far more interested in the show.  
  
"In this episode, yeah..." agreed Janet, snuggling into Sam's embrace happily,  
  
"There are other good bits in other episodes?" asked Sam, resisting the urge to tilt her head in some vague attempt to get a better look.

"Uh huh..."

"I think I just found my new favourite show...."


	6. That was what?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to 'Everyone needs a favourite show'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, with the demise of LJ, the original exchange of comments and icons that prompted me to ultimately write this fluff is not all that easily explainable....but I think the fluff stands up still. There's a further explanation at the end however, if anyone needs it. [I think this was all originally prompted by something @darandkerry said, that @kimly explained to me as, at the time, I was fandom 'young'... I'm not sure who gets the icon credit though, sorry.]

"What are we watching?" asked Sam in what had now become a downtime ritual for the lovers...when they weren't doing their other downtime rituals that was.....  
  
"The really good bit..." explained Janet, waving a DVD box in front of Sam as she grabbed the remote.  
  
"Oh, with the...?" Sam used an interesting hand gesture to communicate what she was thinking. Fortunately, Janet spoke 'hand waggle' as well as she spoke American English...fluently.  
  
"Yeah, that's the one...." she confirmed, waiting patiently for Sam to settle down on the couch so the smaller doctor could nestle up against her lover's body

"Cool..." And, satisfied she thought she knew what was coming up, Sam settled back against the couch, pulling Janet into what was now their traditional viewing position, entwined on the couch together, perfectly positioned to distract each other when their favourite show wasn't distracting them.

 

* * *

 

 

"So..." drawled Janet as the end of episode credits started rolling, curious to discover what her strangely silent lover was thinking. Normally, Sam kept up a pretty good running commentary that was often rather funny when they were watching Xena DVDs.  
  
"That wasn't effective mouth-to-mouth technique..." began Sam, prompting Janet to smirk, although only for a split second before she schooled her features, internalising her amusement at her lover's literal viewing.  
  
"A mouthful of water isn't in the standard field technique for mouth-to-mouth..." observed Janet, offering her professional opinion.

"It's a ineffective way of introducing fluids to an unconscious soldier's body....even if you are in Ancient Greece - didn't they have some sort of cup?" continued Sam, oblivious to her lover's rapidly ill-concealed mirth.

"You mean you wouldn't do that to Jack?" teased Janet, struggling to maintain her composure, wondering if Sam was winding her up deliberately - it wouldn't be the first time the brilliant astrophysicist had played tactically 'dumb'.  
  
"Hell no!" exclaimed Sam, suddenly spotting the humour sparkling in her lover's eyes.  
  
"You're laughing...."  
  
"No..."  
  
"What's the joke?"  
  
"Not you..." protested Janet feebly, only to fail in her resistance when Sam raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Well, it is you...but it was the show first...." explained Janet cryptically, knowing Sam was patient to the point of aggravation and would wait until the Doctor had arranged her thoughts ready for verbalisation.  
  
"What did you think of that scene..." There was a pause as Janet quickly skipped the DVD to

ever thankful for bookmarking scenes,

"...if I told you it was this?" asked Janet, inspired about her explanation.  
  
"What?" Sam's question was answered by a rather spectacular kiss that, if it had been planted by a less skillful kisser, onto a blonde with less cranial matter and planet-saving focus, would have probably derailed the conversation. As it was, it merely assisted Janet's explanation.  
  
"It was a kiss?" asked Sam, a few moments later

"Yup..."  
  
"A...." This time it was Sam who paused whilst she ordered her thoughts and tried to find an adequate verbalisation. Deciding her lover had a good strategy going, the blonde repeated the kiss as best she could remember it, before continuing,  
  
"That sort of kiss?" she clarified.  
  
"Uh huh...."  
  
"Oh..." Bemused, Sam started chewing on her lower, slightly kiss swollen lip as her brain processed this information.  
  
"Sweetie?"

"Why didn't they just call it that?" asked Sam finally, identifying what was bugging her about the episode.  
  
"Welcome to the complex machinations of the TPTB..." sighed Janet, settling back against Sam, ready to enjoy another episode.  
  
"TPTB?" questioned Sam, unfamiliar with the acronym. Unwilling to enter into another lengthy explanation, not least when she was being cuddled by one devastating blonde whilst watching another equally blonde although, in Janet's sensibly biased opinion, shorter and marginally less devastating woman save the 'world' with her brunette sidekick, Janet muttered  
  
"Just shut up and watch the show..."  
  
"You'll explain later?"  
  
"Sure..."  
  
"With visual aids like just now?" teased Sam, sensing her lover's many frustrations right now.  
  
"You bet..." And, as they settled down to watch more of Xena's adventures, a Napoleonic Powermonger began to plot the many enjoyable ways that she could explain 'the powers that be' to her lover....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you still not getting it, may I suggest you google about 'Xena' and the 'kisses'...or find a passing 'fandom old' on Tumblr - we do exist and generally are good for a chat about such things ;-)


	7. Kitchen Sink Fluff (as in, it includes everything but the kitchen sink)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @ralst listed challenges on the Passion & Perfection Community...I think you were supposed to take one challenge per story. She listed 9 under the 'fandom of your choice' category. I picked SG1, then used all 9 in a single random outpouring...I've included the 9 random challenges at the end of the fluff.

"It's the end of the world..." observed Daniel Jackson neutrally, watching the planet which, thirty seconds earlier, had been home to three million Retrans and their sworn enemy, the Tranras.

"Where's Alasan?" asked Sam, suddenly noticing the lack of their previously ever present local guide from Retrana, who hadn't appeared shortly after breakfast like every other day for the last seven days.

"Deciding last night was the night to have a drunken one night stand with the Tranras President's daughter..." explained Jack, looking towards Teal'c who sat patiently in the Telac's pilot seat, ready to take them back to Earth.

"Good job the planet blew up then..." mused Daniel, recalling how messy that particular love triangle was. The daughter of the Retrana President had a thing for Alasan, who in turn had a thing for the daughter of the Tranras President...who seemed to have a thing for Sam when she was sober, and anyone except Alasan when she was drunk....

"It was most fortuitous..." rumbled Teal'c in confirmation, trying not to dwell too much on the amount of deception, deceit and dishonesty that it had taken to ensure this particular one night stand had been successfully pulled off by the determined Retran...had that culture believed in the afterlife, Alasan's only option would have been hell, which, if local gossip was to be listened too, may not have been such a bad destination - by all accounts, she might have run into her childhood sweetheart there, who'd died two years earlier....

"Do you think they ever got around fulfilling their threat to boil Jaxans in oil?" asked Janet conversationally, referring to the village matchmaker who'd managed to alienate everyone within a thirty minute walk of her hut purely due to her misguided but well intentioned attempts.

"Depends if they managed to drag her to the circus and persuade the clowns to use her in their act..."

"I never liked the circus..." muttered Sam, reaching around Teal'c to make a engine adjustment, improving their efficiency by 20%, much to Teal'c's satisfaction, and everyone else's surprise, all losing their footing momentarily as the engines surged.

"You pushing the engines Carter?" asked Jack, suspiciously.

"Just getting us home Sir..."

"We be home by Tuesday?"

"Possibly Sir..." confirmed Sam cautiously.

"Hot date Jack?"

"No Space Monkey, but I've got tickets for the Cubs..."

"Really?"

"Yeah...going up there with some buddies of mine...Tuesday morning would be perfect Sam..." The unusual use of her first name caused Sam to look up at her friend...

"Understood, Sir..." It sounded so formal, but to everyone's ears, they heard the warmth of friendship and respect the two officers shared.

"I'll kiss you if we make it..." countered Jack flippantly, caught up in his sudden anticipation.

"I'd rather Jan had that honour Sir..." corrected Sam wryly, collapsing down against the bulkhead, glad when Janet decided to sit down next to her, happy to relax together amongst their friends on the long journey home.

"Happy to delegate to the Doc on that one..." agreed Jack, finding his rubber ball and starting to bounce it round the room.

"Just don't involve us when you're crying into your drink on Wednesday after they've lost..." suggested Janet, eyes sparkling with amusement when she saw the indignant look on Jack's face at the suggestion.

"I don't cry..." he protested, only to be cut off by Daniel, happy to clarify for him,

"No Jack, of course you don't cry...you just find a really dusty bar to sit in!" It was an old joke for the team, but always a good one, allowing everyone to finally forget the disaster they'd just witnessed and settle down together, all relaxed, passing the time until they returned to corner of the galaxy SG1 called home....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fandom of your choice:
> 
> The End of the World!
> 
> One night stand
> 
> A love triangle where the pieces just don't fit
> 
> Deception, deceipt and dishonesty
> 
> Running into that special someone after years apart
> 
> Matchmakers and the women who want to boil them in oil
> 
> A night at the circus
> 
> An unexpected kiss
> 
> Crying into your drink and wondering 'what the hell went wrong?'


	8. Wow...

"Hi, this is Carter....leave a message please..."

"Hey, you still in that mountain?" Hanging up the phone, Janet put any thoughts about her girlfriend's workaholic tendencies to one side...it was time to laugh at Grey's Anatomy....

* * *

 

"You have one message...." As the machine began its usual cycle of bleeps and clicks before revealing the message, Sam sank in front of her laptop and began checking her personal email accounts, frustrated at the fact it was 23:30 and she was only getting home now, having not, as Janet's message assumed, been caught up in the mountain, but instead having to give a class at the Academy in a subject of her choice (she'd chosen motorbikes, saved her having to remember what was and wasn’t classified wormhole theory) in order to preserve her notional staff position there. That she actually had a full time day job which had required her to save the world last month three times was not something the Academy Staff were privileged to, and so as far as they were concerned, the students taking her class for credit were currently failing owing to her having to cancel....not wishing her students to fail, she'd rescheduled...Remembering Janet was currently on the early shift, and probably wouldn't appreciate a phone call now, Sam hurriedly typed a short email which she sent to Janet's private account apologising and explaining why she'd missed their loosely scheduled TV watching date....

* * *

 

"You have email..." announced the computer as, wearily, Janet collapsed in front of her computer, mug of tea in hand. She'd started the day at 6am, intending to be home by 16:00 having done nothing more strenuous than two sets of pre-mission briefings and a dozen or so annual physicals....Unfortunately, she'd forgotten to include SG3 in the circulation list for that memo, resulting in their untimely return at 14:28 oozing interesting purple stuff from a variety of knife and arrow cuts, the result of a cultural dispute on PX2-6T5. Suffice to say, after 4 hours of careful lab work wearing the SGC'c bulkiest haz-mat suits, Janet had identified the source of their colourful affliction...which incredibly, wasn't fatal, but did take some time to be purged from their systems. She'd finally dragged herself out of the Mountain at 22:21, just in time to sleep for 6 hours before starting her next early shift, a huge yawn distracting her from the computer and ensuring she trudged to bed, her email from Sam forgotten.....

* * *

 

"You alright Sam?" asked Daniel kindly, coming to stand next to his friend as they stood on the plateau, surveying the expansive city stretching out before them...

"Hmm?" Distracted from her thoughts, Sam turned to look at Daniel, obviously having no clue what he'd said.

"Leave her be Danny, probably nervous..." interjected Jack jovially, coming up to join them, unusually wearing his Dress Uniform, as Sam was.

"Sir?" asked Sam, still confused about their conversation.

"Nerves Carter, even science geeks can get them..." he explained, before pulling on his sunglasses and nodding towards the vehicle that had just pulled up, "....chariot's arrived...."

Glad to no longer be the focus of their conversation, Sam followed her colleagues into the vehicle and tried to shift her thoughts from Janet's lack of response to her email to the upcoming inter-galactic conference she had to give a lecture at, at Thor's request (hence the dress blues) on, of all things, 'The Logical Extrapolation of Tauri Spontaneous Insight' which O'Neill had helpfully subtitled, 'How to teach people to have really dumb ideas that save the universe.' There would be plenty of time in the next three days, when she wasn't speaking or translating stuff for the Colonel, to get paranoid about Janet's lack of response....

* * *

 

"She's not coming Mom, is she?" asked Cassie, trying desperately not to whine.

"She's not due back for another hour...she'll be here by lunch time..." reasoned Janet, trying not to scold Cassie for her impatience - Sam had promised last month that she would come with Janet and Cassie for their Easter vacation trip to San Diego, and Janet had no reason to doubt Sam's promise....but a response to her phone message earlier in the week would have been nice, although quite when she would have had time to listen to it, given how chaotic her last three days had been…that was one of the many $64,000 questions she was pondering this week....

"Why couldn't she leave last night?" asked Cassie, struggling to comprehend inter-planetary time zones.

"Because then it would have been lunch time on the final day. She promised she'd gate home as soon as the third day was finished and that we could leave immediately, rather than waiting for her to sleep..." explained Janet patiently, mentally reviewing everything that needed to be considered, before asking suddenly,

"Cass? Did I ever get you a costume?"

"A what?"

"A swimsuit....I know it was on the list..."

"Nope..." Suddenly spurred on by something to do, Janet grabbed her car keys.

"In that case, let's go to the Mall now....Sam will probably need one too..."

* * *

 

"Hey...."

"Hey...." Tongue-tied, Sam stood on the doorstep, still in her uniform, having rushed from the conference, via the SGC, straight home.

"How was the speech?"

"Good...you guys ready?"

"The flight leaves in three hours..." observed Janet kindly yet pointedly, Sam was late!

"Then we best get going..." confirmed Sam, reaching for the suitcase by the door and heading back towards the car that had brought her from the SGC, "...the General instructed Airman Jenkins to drop us all off at check-in...."

"Where's your case?" asked Janet, pushing Cassie out onto the porch and, second suitcase in hand, turning to shut up the house.

"In my closet...." admitted Sam, moving to take the second case with surprising ease, despite her uniform and heels, reminding Janet just how deceptively strong she was.

"At home?" asked Janet, worried - Sam's house was thirty minutes away, in the wrong direction for the airport....

"And empty..." shrugged Sam, smirking at the memory of her nightmarish week.

"Ah..." Crestfallen, Janet wasn't sure what was happening. They'd never get to Sam's and pack a case and still make it to their flight.

"Hey..." coaxed Sam gently, wishing she could be a little more intimate with Janet but the Airman and the uniform preventing her, "...you best get in the car and cheer up....we've a holiday to start..."

"But your luggage...."

"I've got my wallet..." explained Sam, smiling, as if that explained everything.

"How's that going to help?" asked Janet, not seeing why this was cause for jubilation.

"You've got my air ticket and the hotel reservation, I've got my ID...we've got a plane to catch..."

"You're going to fly like that?"

"Sure....maybe I can get a go with the plane!" teased Sam, straightening her shoulders so her silver wings, insignia she rarely wore anymore but was nevertheless entitled to wear with pride, glinted in the late afternoon sunshine.

"And when we land?" asked Janet, obediently following her girlfriend and enthusiastic daughter towards the car.

"We discover why god invented hazard pay and Am-Ex..."

“And swimsuits…”

“Swimsuits?”

“It’s the only thing I packed for you…”


	9. Ophidiophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, well, this happened....

 

"What happened Major?" asked General Hammond, concerned when he saw his premier off world team coming through the gate, protectively surrounding the Base Genius who was looking thoroughly...pissed off.

"Ask Doctor Jackson..." ground out Sam, before belatedly adding, "...Sir."

"Well Doctor?" asked George, turning to fix what he knew to be a rather ferocious glare at the often clumsy archaeologist, who remarkably, seemed physically intact.

"Huge snake...that is to say...well..."

"Oh for crying out loud, Space Monkey got spooked by a grass snake and shoved Carter into a bush..." summarised Jack, impatient with Daniel's inability to summarise.

"What sort of bush?" asked Janet sharply, having arrived in the Gate Room a moment earlier, having been telephoned for by a quick thinking MP.

"I retrieved a sample for the purposes of identification Doctor Fraiser," intoned Teal'c, passing a small box to the Lieutenant from Janet's team that had stepped forward at Janet's sharp nod.

"You used a haz-mat box?" asked Janet, arching an eyebrow: that ruled out her sneaking a quick peak at it, which would mean opening up one of the Level two quarantine labs on Level 29 and putting on the Haz-Mat suits, not to mention having to call Cassie and tell her....Janet's brain was rattling through the consequences of that little box at such a speed, she almost missed what the gentle giant of a man said next.

"Doctor Jackson had already used every other storage vessel..."

"Apart from the bags..." interrupted Jack, gesturing towards Sam.

"Ok..." mused Janet, turning to consider her lover, who was standing at the bottom of the ramp, fuming quietly.

"Lieutenant, could you find a botanist and get this plant analysed?" Though phrased as a question, everyone within earshot knew that an order had just been issued, with the Lieutenant scuttling from the gate room, a pair of MPs escorting him to ensure nothing delayed his quest for a botanist. For all they knew, every moment mattered.

"Sam, you feeling ok?" asked Janet quietly, oblivious to the audience they had, approaching her lover, her already gloved hands reaching to take a pulse.

"Fine....I don't see what all the fuss is about..." fussed Sam, missing the startled looks that were briefly exchanged between Janet, Jack and George. As temperaments went, Sam could normally be trusted to be the most placid of the non-Jaffa members on SG1...so fussing? That was on a par with a Jack O'Neill temper tantrum requiring a straight-jacket.

"Where's your jacket?" asked Janet, reaching up and feeling the pulse just under Sam's jaw, which the doctor could tell was firmly clenched.

"With my laptop on the planet..." grumbled Sam, shooting a truly fierce look at Daniel.

"Doctor Fraiser?" called out one of the Marine's suddenly, having answered the phone in the corner a moment before.

"What is it?" she called, reluctant to leave Sam.

"Captain Willis Ma'am..." he called, naming the botanist who was currently working on the plant samples brought back from PX4-7N6 and was a becoming a specialist in 'slice-'em and spot-'em' plant identifications as they were starting to become known. With often short periods of incubation and potentially fatal side-effects, the ability to take a clean section slice of the plant sample and place it in a microscope in less than a minute was highly respected and very, very useful.

"Sit down Sam..." instructed Janet kindly, coaxing her lover to sit down on the ramp edge, the blonde immediately resting her elbows on her knees, wanting to clash her hands but unable, making her frustration increase, "...and try to relax..."

"You want me to RELAX?"

"Think about Maui..." prompted Jack helpfully, earning him a raised eyebrow from Teal'c and a startled stare from Hammond - had Jack really just encouraged Samantha Carter to think about bikini clad beach beauties in public? Was he trying to end her career? "...what? It works for me..." continued Jack, confirming to his friends that no, he was just being Jack...

"Colonel..." growled Sam, sitting up very straight and very angry, which was not only comical for anyone with enough rank to risk smirking at her (that would be Janet and George), but it also meant that Janet could discreetly whisper in her lover's ear,

"Think about me, in Maui..." before turning on her heel and striding across to talk with her waiting botanist, hoping no one had heard what her advice to Sam had been....

"I'm so sorry Sam..." began Daniel, clenching his hat with both hands, confirming the anguished tone he was speaking in was genuine.

"I do not believe Major Carter's mood is improved by your speaking Daniel Jackson..." suggested Teal'c, most impressed with the baritone quality that Major Carter's growl now possessed. It was a growl any Jaffa Warrior would be proud of, and almost unheard of by any female....

"Yeah, shut up Space Monkey..." instructed Jack, cuddling his MP5 thoughtfully, "...it itching again Carter?"

"Yes Sir..." agreed Sam reluctantly, shaking her arms in frustration.

"I'm not surprised...." agreed Janet, crossing the gate room again.

"Jan?" questioned Sam, looking up at her lover.

"Good old fashioned poison ivy..." she explained, reporting the findings of Captain Willis, prompting huge puffs of relief from Jack and Hammond, and near verbal diarrhoea from Daniel, that was quickly stopped by Jack shoving his ball cap in Daniel's mouth.

"What? He's been spluttering since shoving Sam...."

"Jack, you and Teal'c return to the planet and recover Major Carter's equipment...Doctor Jackson can debrief me on the planet's long term benefit to the programme..." decided Hammond, trying desperately not to laugh at the blinking archaeologist who was so startled he hadn't quite got around to removing Jack's cap yet.

"Yes Sir..." agreed Jack, running his hand through his hair and wondering whether he should reclaim his hat, before remembering the chilli Daniel had eaten for lunch right before the mission. Bad breath was one thing....wearing bad breath on his hat? He'd risk the sunburnt nose and grab Carter's when he found it....

"Major Carter, you have 48 hours downtime, and should follow Doctor Fraiser's orders...how long will the Major be on light duty Doctor?" enquired Hammond, ignoring his pouting goddaughter.

"I wouldn't like to say Sir, ivy rash to the fingers can take time to heal and, if rushed, could cause permanent damage....wouldn't want to risk Sam losing her fine motor control..." commented Janet distractedly, suddenly having a thoroughly selfish and highly unprofessional thought about the negative effects her lover losing such control would have on the CMO's sanity and sexual frustration.......

"In that case Major. SG1 has three weeks off base downtime. Doctor Fraiser, I would like you to take a very close interest in the Major's recovery and will, barring emergency, like you to take the same downtime in order to supervise the Major's period of rest...any complaint ladies?"

"No Sir..." they declared in unison, Sam's head beginning to spin from everything that was happening. Had she and Janet really just been given three weeks of off-base downtime with Janet under orders to take a close interest in her? Judging by the sparkle in her godfather's eyes...holy hannah! Her CO was planning her love life for her!

"Good, in that case, Doctor, get your patient to the infirmary..." instructed George, watching as Janet hustled Sam out of the Gate Room.

"Why was Major Carter wearing plastic bags over her forearms?" asked George sharply, wanting to know from the remaining members of SG1 why she had come through the gate wearing strategically placed sample bags.

"To stop her itching the rash Sir..." explained Jack, watching Sam leave.

"Why wasn't she wearing her jacket and gloves?" asked George, frowning. There were procedures in place to avoid this sort of thing.

"We were walking around the ruins perimeter. It is most humid on that planet..." explained Teal'c calmly, before adding, "...it was most fortunate Daniel Jackson chose not to fall against Colonel O'Neill...."

"It was?"

"Indeed, for Major Carter is far quieter with her protests when she is hurt...and I have a headache..." announced Teal'c suddenly, deciding the day had been quite long and active enough for little return and much physical discomfort, especially for Major Carter.

"You want to go to the infirmary Son?" asked George kindly, ignoring the fact that Teal'c was at least twice as old as he was.

"No, I will return to the planet and collect Major Carter's things...although O'Neill...."

"Yes Teal'c?"

"In light of Major Carter's experiences with this poison ivy, you will keep your shirt on this time. Major Carter was not the only person disturbed by your chest hair...." Before Jack to protest, George did the only thing he could to preserve his 'commander' face,

"SERGEANT? DIAL THE GATE...."


	10. Sunday in the park with...Jack?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a challenge response...and is rather random, but I just got stuck with a visual...that was absolutely nothing to do with the challenge....but hopefully, despite my best efforts to make this something else, it's still fluffy...

 

"How's the head Carter?" asked Jack jovially, breezing into the SGC Infirmary, an impressively large stuffed bear in his arms.

"Better when people don't talk so loud, sir..." muttered Sam carefully, getting as near to insubordination as she ever would.

"Sorry..." apologised Jack, hooking a rolling stool with his foot and settling down next to her bed, instinctively placing the bear on his knee.

"My replacement?" asked Sam, gesturing with her finger at the plush bear, currently wearing a leather flight jacket and goggles.

"Funny Major..." chastised Jack, looking down at the bear as if seeing it for the first time, "...actually, it's a gift..."

"For me Sir?" asked Sam, nervous. Whilst there had always been a bit of an undercurrent to the relationship she had with her C.O., she'd thought they'd been getting along much better recently, especially when Hammond of all people decided to have a chat with his Colonel about his goddaughter...and who she'd gone to the Prom with (Jenny Sholman, and the less remembered about her, the better!), but still...a bear?

"Actually, no...it's for Fraiser..." Ok, there was one thing worse than her C.O. buying her a stuffed bear, and that was her C.O. buying her girlfriend a stuffed bear.

"He have a name?" asked Sam, seconds before her eyes caught the stitched name tag on the flight jacket - J O'Neill.

"Jack O'Neill..." announced Jack proudly, before adding, "...and no jokes about the likeness, Teal'c already did them..."

"I wouldn't dream of it Sir..." confirmed Sam honestly, her brain thinking as best it could given it's somewhat achy state as she tried to come up with some reason, any reason why her C.O. was giving her girlfriend a bear named after him.

"Good...you think she'll like him?" asked Jack, oblivious to the confusion he was causing for Sam.

"I'm sure she will Sir..."

"She will what Sam?" asked Janet, coming into earshot, noticing Jack a second later, "...Colonel..." she greeted, her coolness not missed by Sam.

"Doctor..." countered Jack, impressively formally, even jumping to his feet. As a Colonel with many years service, he outranked Janet, but, in her infirmary...even by Jack's laid back standards, this was respect overkill.

"Nice bear..." observed Janet wryly, instinctively feeling for Sam's pulse to check that her most special patient was doing fine.

"He's for you..." admitted Jack quickly, thrusting the bear out in front of him, so it was hovering over the bed.

"Thank you..." accepted Janet politely, not taking the bear, "...what's the occasion?" asked Janet skeptically, much to her lover's relief. Sam was glad it wasn't just her brain that was struggling to follow plot.

"I thought a second Colonel Jack O'Neill might be useful..."

"I bet you did..." mused Janet, suddenly having an extremely good idea what was going on, before adjusting her tone, "...it's a creative thought, Sir..."

"So you'll take him?" asked Jack, suddenly hopeful.

"Thank you Sir, he'll go nicely in my office at the hospital, I'm sure Maisie Godrege will love to play with him when she comes for her next tests..." explained Janet, mentioning the little girl, the seven year old daughter of one of the Airmen on the base who was currently being treated by Janet at the Academy Hospital for leukaemia.

"How's the squirt doing?" asked Jack, genuinely interested. At the SGC barbeque last summer the bubbly child had charmed everyone.

"Good Sir, she's turned the corner..."

"Great...well, you should do that too Carter..." decided Jack, carefully placing the bear in Sam's lap before turning to leave the infirmary.

"Yes Sir..." responded Sam obediently, even though she was still thoroughly confused. Just why was Jack giving Janet a bear? And why was Janet being so distant with him?

"Good...I'll be off then..." concluded Jack, his gift delivered.

"Colonel?" called out Janet, just as he reached the door.

"Yes Doc?"

"You're not off the hook Jack..." warned Janet, the rare use of his first name stopping him in his tracks and turning to look back at the diminutive doctor who, for all his teasing comments, he had the utmost respect for.

"I know Janet...I'm trying to say I'm sorry..." he admitted honestly, not wanting to look at his team mate who, even now, was still completely confused as to what was happening and, in an attempt to clear her head, was blinking owlishly.

"Apology accepted..." decided Janet, looking fondly at the bear, and her lover, who, still confused, was nevertheless grinning contentedly when it seemed her two closest friends were, well, friends again, although she hadn’t noticed a falling out. Seeing the smile and hearing the warmth return to her voice, Jack decided now was a safe moment to leave, only for Janet's voice to echo around the otherwise empty infirmary, "...but you're not off the hook Sir, 0600 Monday, a full physical, with the really, really big needles..."

"But no limb tearing?" asked Jack hopefully.

"No, you're safe from limb tearing..." agreed Janet, recalling her earlier threat and sufficiently calm now to not repeat it.

"0600 Monday, see you then Doc..." confirmed Jack, preparing to leave the infirmary again, glad that Janet was still talking to him.

 

* * *

 

"Jan?" asked Sam finally, when they were once more alone in the infirmary.

"Yes?"

"What's going on?"

"Colonel O'Neill bought me a bear..."

"Why?"

"An apology...for scaring me earlier..." explained Janet, even now not wanting to be reminded of the abrupt ending to the SGC cook-out at Jack's earlier in the afternoon.

"I don't remember..." admitted Sam, furrowing her brow in frustration.

"You were unconscious sweetie..." explained Janet gently, running her fingers through Sam's short hair.

"Ah...you got mad at him?"

"He knocked you unconscious...I nearly had to operate..." admitted Janet quietly, reluctant to admit how scared she'd been when she'd looked across the garden and seen her lover literally crumple to the floor.

"But you didn't...I'm still here..." reasoned Sam, suddenly having a better idea what the bear was all about. Janet's greatest threat was to tear someone limb from limb, without the benefit of analgesics, a threat she reserved only for those who she felt had generated unnecessary and potentially serious extra work for her by crass stupidity. As Base threats went, it was one of the more seriously taken ones, up there with Goa'uld invasion and Replicator over-run, and explained the bear - it was just like Jack to volunteer a substitute for Janet to attack.

"I know, and I'm very glad..." After the event, with Sam awake and talking, Janet was starting to feel a little foolish with her over-reaction earlier, but head injuries were always risky, and the back of Sam's neck was especially sensitive, following all the Goa'uld Symbiotes that had settled there...

"And anyway..." mused Sam thoughtfully, before breaking into a broad grin, "...the Marines will never let him forget it..." she said, as she began to see the funny side of her situation, at least, until she tried to chuckle – people with concussion really shouldn’t do that.

"It is rather silly..." agreed Janet, beginning to see the funny side herself, now that Sam was smirking, her blue eyes sparkling with the perverse humour of the situation.

"After everything SG1 has been through, all the injuries and accidents...and now this..."

"Everyone's already asking why SG1's off the mission list for the next four weeks..." agreed Janet, starting to smile as she considered the added perks of having her lover Earth-based for the next four weeks, even with the concussion to recover from.

"That I've got concussion?"

"Hmm...a concussion Jack O'Neill gave you...."

"That will set the rumours going..."

"Think anyone will believe the truth?"

"Probably not, it is rather silly..."

"You should have looked when he called your name..."

"I didn't hear him..."

"Do I need to do a hearing test?"

"No, a wardrobe inventory...I was distracted by your bathing suit..." admitted Sam, fondly remembering what she had been staring at so intently as to miss hearing her name being called by Jack, seconds before her world went black.

"Ah, so it's my fault?" teased Janet, glad for so many reasons that her lover was telling her this, not least because it meant Sam's memory was unaffected by the black out.

"That Colonel O'Neill knocked me out by throwing a frisbee at me?"

"Yeah..."

"Depends..."

"On?"

"On whether I've got the CMO to personally supervise my bed rest..."

"I'm sure it can be arranged..." confirmed Janet, any doubts she had about her lover's recovery firmly quashed by what could only be described as a healthy leer which was somehow still extremely loving and affectionate, and currently plastered across Major Carter's face.

"When can I go home Doctor?"

Leaving the bear on the bed, Janet turned on her heel and started towards her office, glad that the patented SG1 whining had begun, a sure sign their return to full health was beginning.

"After you've napped and eaten some jello Major..."

"Blue?" asked Sam hopefully, all the while fighting to keep her eyes open a moment longer, a battle she'd been slowly losing for the last few moments, as Janet had already spotted.

"I'll call the Mess..." Janet's promise fell on deaf ears...Major Carter was fast asleep, snuggled up with Colonel O'Neill...the bear, that is!  



	11. Competitive Eating

"Yo, Space Monkey?"

"What is it Jack?" asked Daniel patiently, not looking up from the text he was attempting to translate from unknown language one into unknown language two.

"What are you doing?" asked Jack, his own problem temporarily forgotten as he considered the chaos that was Daniel's office.

"Translating these writings..." muttered Daniel, frowning as he tried to decipher if that shadow was a stroke or an ink blot.

"What they say?"

"A whole bunch of stuff..."

"Like?" With a lot of self control, Jack managed not to add something sarcastic to his question, though it took real effort - it was a miracle really that some days, when his 'geeks' got all, well, geeky on him, that he didn't shoot them for being poor conversationalists...

"I'm not sure..."

"Cryptic meanings and random references?" guessed Jack, deciding he'd not bother Daniel with his problem after all.

"I won't know until I've translated it..."

"Sure...I'll go find Teal'c..." decided Jack, before turning on his heel and ambling off again.

 

 

* * *

 

"Teal'c?" called out Jack, banging on the door to the Jaffa's Base Quarters.

"What is it O'Neill?" rumbled the big Jaffa, coming up behind Jack.

"Oh, Teal'c, there you are..." muttered Jack, hoping the ever observant former First Prime hadn't noticed him nearly jumping out of his skin.

"Indeed..." There was an awkward pause, during which Teal'c was content stand in the corridor, waiting for his friend to comment, whilst Jack was waiting for, well, Teal'c to say something...only that would take too long.

"You busy?"

"I must Kel-nor-eem, immediately..."

"Problem?" asked Jack, attempting to sound casual. Ever since 'Junior' had left home and the apartment in Teal'c's stomach hadn't been re-let, kel-nor-eem was no longer as critical to the Jaffa's physical well-being, so whenever Teal'c announced a sudden urge to perform the meditative ritual it normally indicated something was troubling the man.

"I feel discomfort..." mused Teal'c, instinctively rubbing his chest, as if easing a heartache.

"Did you have lunch yet?"

"I ate with Daniel Jackson..."

"Did you have that mystery meat thingy?" asked Jack, suddenly having a good idea what was troubling his friend.

"If you are referring to the dish called 'Beef Wellington' then yes, I had the 'mystery meat thingy'," enunciated Teal'c carefully, before burping...quietly.

"Gas...you've got gas..."

"Gas?"

"Sure...come on, the Doc'll fix you..." decided Jack, his original mission temporarily forgotten as instead, he set about introducing Teal'c to the wonders of Doctor Fraiser's selection of antacid tablets...

* * *

 

"Feeling better Teal'c?" enquired Janet kindly, the troubled Jaffa gradually recovering from the surprise as much as the actual attack of heartburn and indigestion his lunch had caused. It wasn't especially pleasant at the best of times, so Janet could only imagine the shock it had caused to someone who had managed to get to Teal'c's age (it was easy to forget he was over 100 years old...) without ever before experiencing it. Certainly, it took a lot for Teal'c to actively volunteer to lie down on one of the infirmary beds for a little while, and was enough to get Janet to ring the base kitchens and have the Beef Wellington taken off the menu.

"Thank you Doctor Fraiser, those tablets have proven most successful..."

"Good...here's a tube of them, and I'll make a note for some to be put in your pack...don't look at me like that, everyone else carries them..." instructed Janet gently, spotting the tell tale clouding of the Jaffa's eyes as he was reminded of his, relatively speaking new found fallibility.

"We do Teal'c, only way to cope with Danny's cooking..." suggested Jack helpfully, earning a smirk from Janet. It amused her no end that Daniel had been given off-world cooking duties because Sam had managed to convince SG1 she was incapable of doing anything other than reduce MRES to charcoal...the freezer at home had some rather delicious frozen soups and sauces in it, all cooked by the multi-talented Samantha Carter...

"Very well, thank you Doctor Fraiser, I will make sure I have these antacid tablets with me in future..." decided Teal'c, returning to his feet, preparing to leave the infirmary.

"You're welcome Teal'c, now, Colonel, what can I do for you?" asked Janet, turning to look at Jack who was now cluttering up her otherwise tidy infirmary with only five minutes left until she could legitimately leave the Base for a three day leave.

"Nothing Doc, absolutely nothing..." protested Jack, immediately having thoughts of large needles and bright lights...he didn't need anything from Janet, "...I was just keeping Teal'c company..."

"That is correct Doctor Fraiser, Colonel O'Neill was looking for me when I felt unwell...what is it you require from me?" the Jaffa asked, turning to look at Jack.

"Umm, well..."

"If you leave my infirmary, I won't eavesdrop Sir..." observed Janet lightly, amused at his reaction.

"Right, yes, sorry, c'mon Teal'c..."

 

 

* * *

 

"You did not wish Doctor Fraiser to know what you wished to talk to me about?" asked Teal'c a few minutes later, once Jack had finally explained his problem to him.

"Yes, no...it's the Carter-Doc thing..."

"You disapprove of their relationship?" asked Teal'c seriously, taking a small but deliberate step nearer to his friend. The military views on homosexuality were not views Teal'c understood or shared, but the need for support from SG1 and secrecy, those he did understand, and was perfectly happy to ensure Jack understood that...

"No! But I don’t want the Doc to know.."

"Very well..." Once again, Teal'c sat down on the locker room bench, content to let his friend explain himself, although he already knew how his weekend would be now spent...

* * *

 

 

"Sam?"

"Hmm?" mumbled Sam, her voice a little muffled due to Janet's hair covering her face a little.

"Were you compiling that new UAV controller programme today?"

"Which one?" asked Sam, not surprised by the rather strange question given the fact that they were currently lying on the couch together, half watching some random movie.

"The one that takes hours and stops you doing anything until it's done?"

"Yeah...twice in fact...why?"

"Jack and Teal'c came by the infirmary this afternoon..."

"They ok?"

"Teal'c's first experience of heartburn..." explained Janet, adopting the special 'SG1 shares everything' variant of doctor-patient privilege.

"Ouch..." Sam winced in sympathy, guessing, "...he ate mystery meat stew for lunch?"

"It was Beef Wellington..."

"I think someone should write a memo explaining how the 'Wellington' is not literal..." mused Sam, earning her a playful thump from her lover.

"Did you play minesweeper this afternoon?" asked Janet, returning to her original topic of conversation.

"When I had no more emails to reply to, yes..."

"And you set a new top score on the network, didn't you?" guessed Janet, knowing that her lover had an aptitude for the game that generally resulted in her winning games very quickly, assuming she didn't luck out and land on a mine with her first couple of goes.

"Yeah, I beat...oh..." Suddenly, Sam realised what had happened.

"You didn't just play minesweeper, did you?"

"Nope..."

 

* * *

 

"Samantha Carter is a very talented woman..." mused Teal'c, closing down the minesweeper high scores menu and making a note.

"How many is that now?" asked Daniel, taking a long swig of his coffee.

"Including the games she already held top score on? Seventeen..." muttered Jack, torn between cursing his 2IC and celebrating the fact that the Marines were not holding a single top score for any game, including the really gory kill anything that moves games...

"And how many top scores did she take from you Jack?" asked Daniel, far too innocently.

"Thirteen..." volunteered Teal'c, consulting his notes, "...you have no top scores now O'Neill..."

"WE have no top scores now Teal'c, WE have no top scores..." corrected Jack, before opening minesweeper and beginning his bid to reclaim some glory....

 

* * *

 

 

"You're an evil, evil woman Samantha Carter..." teased Janet when she'd finally extracted the full extent of her lover's computer games binge.

"It wasn't deliberate..." protested Sam, recalling her afternoon. When she'd run out of everything she could do without delaying the compiling, and only then, had she started playing the games on the network, and even then it had just been for fun...

"He's probably shouting at the screen now..." mused Janet, trying not to laugh as she pictured a frustrated Jack shouting at the screen, possibly throwing popcorn at it too, if it was anything like the Playstation marathon he'd organised a few weeks ago.

"Good job it's a long weekend then..." observed Sam, suddenly glad she wasn't going to be near her CO for the next few days....she'd not outscored him by too many points, so it wouldn't take him too many goes to reclaim some glory...

"Good job..." agreed Janet, before deciding that she had much better ways to occupy herself this weekend than talk about Jack O'Neill's desire for computer game glory...

 

* * *

 

 

Meanwhile, deep in Cheyenne Mountain:

*GAME OVER, you have scored a high score...please enter your name here:*

"YES!" exclaimed Jack, jumping to his feet - he'd done it, he'd got it. Typing in his name, Jack watched the screen for his name to appear...

"She's still beating you Jack..." observed Daniel, looking up from his translation which he'd now finally finished. It had only taken three translations, from unknown one to unknown two to ancient to Goa'uld, for him to realise that this was actually a user manual for some piece of alien technology Sam hadn't yet got around to fiddling with, rather than the secret to life, the universe and everything....

"What's the text say?" asked Jack, deliberately changing the subject.

"Nothing important..." hedged Daniel.

"That doesn't usually stop you....what's it say?" pressed Jack in such a tone Daniel knew he'd best just give in and read out what it said.

"Player two should be more patient..."

"You're kidding me..."

"Nope, we've found the PX3-5TV version of the Playstation..."

"Cool..."

"Indeed, it will give Major Carter another opportunity to demonstrate her superior skills..." mused Teal'c, getting up from the computer and crossing to investigate what Daniel had been translating.

"Uh, Teal'c?"

"Yes Doctor Jackson?"

"Did you just get a high score?"

"Indeed...I will record my name..." declared the Jaffa, before typing his name and hitting enter.

"Where'd you come T?" asked Jack politely, fairly confident that Teal'c's minesweeper abilities wouldn't yet warrant anything more than a top ten high score.

"First...Major Carter was kind enough to share her strategy with me when we were eating lunch..."


	12. Fruit Salad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @replicarter22 for the inspirational challenge...
> 
> The CHALLENGE:
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  

 

"You think Hammond's gonna kill us?"  
  
"I'd vote for puree Jack..." observed Daniel, unable to resist an attempt at humour.  
  
"I do believe Doctor Fraiser is going to be most annoyed with our continued desire to bring her fresh medical challenges...." intoned Teal'c as they stepped up to the wormhole.  
  
"You mean stab us with needles and do the torch thing?"  
  
"Amongst other things Sir...."  
  
"Not the prostate thing....gees!"  
  
"I wouldn't know, Sir..." and, shaking her newly crowned head (it brought a whole new meaning to the phrase 'strawberry blonde'), Major Samantha Carter adjusted her pips and stepped through the gate, hoping her lover could fix her.....

 

* * *

 

"Oww!"

"You ok Sam?" asked Janet, concerned - so far she was only five minutes into a fairly routine physical and that was the third time her lover had reacted unusually loudly to what would normally be a gentle examination.

"I'm a soft fruit....I bruise easily...." pouted Sam, the expression normally bringing a smile to Janet's lips but this time, whilst the lips twitched, the amused sparkle just wasn't shining in the CMO's eyes.

"I'm sorry..." murmured Janet, looking down at Sam's knee in an attempt to conceal her expression.

"Hey..." As an attempt, it had failed, "...Jan? Look at me?" coaxed Sam gently, reaching out to cup her lover's chin, only to stop her hand when she remembered that they were currently in one of the isolated observation rooms, before redirecting it to a more platonic shoulder.

"You're a strawberry Sam..."

"And Colonel O'Neill's a gooseberry..." continued Sam, grinning conspiratorially before whispering, '...suits his mood at the moment too I bet..." which earned a small grin from Janet, before her fears and concerns arose once more,

"Your flesh has been morphed into a soft fruit! I don't know what to do..."

"Daniel suggested pureeing..." teased Sam, before pulling the diminutive doctor gently to her suddenly much more prominent and 'squishy' chest, deciding that, right now, fraternisation was perhaps the least of their worries....SG1 were fruit...which was a problem, a big problem.

* * *

 

"They're definitely our people Doctor?" Long ago General Hammond had learnt to suspend his disbelief, embracing all manner of weirdness as 'normal', but even for the SGC, this? One day he would laugh...but not today.

"Definitely Sir - their internal organs and bone structure has remained exactly as our baseline scans indicate. The only difference is their flesh, which has turned into...." Janet paused, not entirely sure she could articulate the words.

"Soft fruit?" suggested Hammond, glancing at his team.

"Doctor Fraiser informs me I am a kumquat," rumbled Teal'c seriously, despite his strange appearance. It was one thing to have to get used to the big Jaffa having hair, but citrus peel as hair? That was definitely a fashion statement the Rebel Jaffa would not be wishing to cultivate as a Tritonin side-effect....

"And I'm a gooseberry, your point?" snapped Jack, not liking the situation one bit.

"Kumquat's are members of the citrus genus, so he's not a soft fruit...actually, soft fruit is inaccurate as a description. Sam, Jack and I are actually all part of the order of 'Rosales' or the rose family, whereas Teal'c could more specifically be..." Just as Daniel was launching into full flow, Jack interrupted,

"Hey Blackberry, shut up..." before shaking his head as if to clear it and looking at Fraiser, "...you can fix this right..."

"Sir, I..."

"No, you misunderstand me Doc...you, Carter, you can fix this right? Blackberry will translate stuff, Teal'c and I will carry stuff, but you can fix this right?"

"I don't know Sir..." As much as it pained her to say it, Janet couldn't answer any other way. There was no manual on the planet that covered what she was currently looking at...

"Then we go back...."

"No Jack, SG1 is on base until we have an explanation and a solution."

"But Sir...."

"Go eat some pie Jack..." suggested Daniel suddenly, knowing that was often the only outlet for Jack's frustrated nervous energy when he was waiting for Janet and Sam to do their 'geek thing' as he sometimes called it (well away from them, obviously).

"I can't..."

"Are you having appetite problems Sir?" asked Janet, already reaching for penlight and thermometer - since when did Jack O'Neill refuse pie?

"Nope..."

"But you always eat pie Sir..." observed Sam, confused.

"Did you have the cheesecake Doc?" asked Jack, knowing about Janet's penchant for the sweet.

"No..." Janet trailed off as she felt all eyes on her, "...it was strawberry...it felt...odd...."

"I enjoyed the pie. I had not eaten gooseberry before today, but it is a very pleasant flavour...."

"TEAL'C!"

"Yes O'Neill?"

"Don't eat the pie....it's....it's..."

"Rude?" suggested Daniel, suddenly not liking the idea of anyone eating the blackberry jam...

"I'll speak to the Commissary..." decided Hammond, glad finally to be able to do something....

 

* * *

 

Straightening up from the microscope, Janet looked around the lab to identify what had disturbed her concentration, only to spot her lover chuckling in the corner.

"What's so funny?" asked Janet, concerned a little for her lover's sanity but quite glad that perhaps some lightness was returning to what had become a rather tense Base.

"I was just thinking something..." admitted Sam, turning her back on the security camera and making a discrete gesture for Janet to come closer so that Sam could continue in a voice quiet enough so as not to be picked up by the microphones.

"Oh?" Obediently, Janet seemingly randomly drifted into whispering distance.

"Yeah....brings a whole new meaning to 'food sex'..." No sooner had Sam said the word sex than there was an almost Asgard-like flash and Sam was transformed back into her more conventional, and practical human form.

"Uh, Jan?"

"I was hoping you'd tell me..."

"You think 'food sex' is the 'open sesame' for that planet's culture?"

"That or you touched something weird in here....you did touch something, right?" asked Janet, reaching for the ties on Sam's scrubs which, now she was no longer a strawberry, needed to be tightened significantly.

"No...wait!" Suddenly animated, Sam jumped to her feet and started rifling through photographs.

"Sam?"

"We all were touching this wall, right before it happened...I was thinking..." Sam blushed what Janet now realised was a rather nice ripe strawberry colour.

"About strawberries?" suggested Janet diplomatically, having a fairly good idea what Sam was thinking about - they had had an excess of strawberries, and Cassie had been away at Camp...

"Yeah...and then when I remembered the same memory..."

"So the Colonel was thinking about Gooseberries?" asked Janet, really not sure whether Sam had found the solution. That particular idea was just too weird for words.

"Why would Teal'c be thinking about kumquats?" asked Sam, less concerned about her CO.

"Ah, that's probably my fault...." admitted Janet, suddenly remembering a rather surreal conversation she'd had with Cassie and Teal'c in which both aliens had developed a curiosity for words which, as Cassie put it, 'sounded cool'. 'Kumquat' had been Teal'c's favourite, despite not being able to grasp what it actually was (hence his surprise when Janet had informed him of his 'crop'), whilst Cassie had rather taken to 'thistle' although Janet couldn't fathom why.

"Do I want to know?" asked Sam, only slightly curious, being instead far more concerned with returning her team mates to their conventional forms.

"Probably not...so, we ring the General and tell him you were cured because your mind wandered and you thought about having sex?" summarised Janet, making to reach for the phone, only to be intercepted by a once more agile Sam.

"No, we, uh, paraphrase somewhat..." admitted Sam, blushing sheepishly as she tried to imagine explaining to her godfather exactly where her mind had wandered...

* * *

 

 

"Strawberry Carter?"

"Thank you Sir..." said Sam, collecting the bowl of fruit her now fruit-free C.O. was offering her.

"Seems they're fresh out of kumquats Teal'c..." Jack continued, seeing the tall Jaffa, now once again reassuringly bald, approach.

"Doctor Fraiser has promised to procure me some when she next visits the market..."

"Are you enjoying your pie Sir?" asked Sam, nibbling on a strawberry which she'd dipped in cream.

"Oh yeah..." confirmed Jack, refocusing his attention on beating his pie to a mushy pulp.

"What flavour pie Jack?" asked Daniel, joining them, seeing the destructive havoc his friend was wrecking on his desert.

"What do you think Space Monkey?" asked Jack sarcastically, shovelling a large spoonful in his mouth.

"Gooseberry?" guessed Daniel, noticing Sam eating strawberries.

"Blackberry..."

 


	13. Desert Snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may, just may, have finally written a fluff I might apologise for....or maybe not *g*

"Dr Fraiser, this is General Hammond..." It wasn't every day General Hammond found himself standing in the control room of the SGC talking to his CMO who was currently marooned on another planet...in a snowstorm.

"Fraiser here General...." came the distinct voice of the doctor, obviously standing right by the MALP although you wouldn't know that from the video feed.

"Where Doctor?" asked Hammond finally, unable to identify any shape or shadow on the monitor that could be even loosely interpreted to by the diminutive doctor.

"Here Sir..." Suddenly, out of nowhere, Doctor Fraiser's face appeared upside down on the screen, as if she was sitting on top of the MALP. He'd received all manner of radio contacts from off world during this command, but this was a first....

"Are you alright Doctor?" he eventually asked, hating the inadequacy of the question, but finally comprehending quite what was wrong with this mission - he'd sent Doctor Fraiser to PX4-T6G when it had been a rather pleasant, innocuous sandy desert...and now she was sitting on top of the MALP in a snowstorm?

"Remarkably well Sir, although SG1 might be useful Sir...." came the surprisingly chirpy response, Janet feeling happier communicating with her boss without standing on her head for him to see her.

"Problems Doctor?" Normally, SG1 was only requested when things were 'interesting', and not always in a 'we'd like to know more about your cool technology and amazing herbal remedy' type way.

"Actually, Major Carter would do just fine...." mused Janet, chewing thoughtfully on her lip, doing a spectacularly good impression of said Major.

"Why?" Not that he wasn't sending her - he'd have sent all of SG1 if they were around, but General Hammond had an insatiable curiosity, just like anyone else on the base - he just happened to hide it better most of the time.

"We could use a little help with the DHD this side Sir...." admitted Janet nervously, deciding that maybe now was the moment to call in CMO's privilege, as well perhaps as the 'honorary daughter' card she'd been issued with the day Sam had finally explained to her godfather exactly what her relationship with Janet was.

"Help Doctor?" George couldn't get much further, because he was interrupted by the upside down face of his CMO who, judging by her expression, was rapidly no longer becoming the amiable, good natured officer she so often was. CMOs had fire and backbone to out-class a 4 star General...and he was about to meet his CMO head on if he wasn't careful...

"Is Sam on Base Sir?"

"Yes..."

"Just send her, please General?"

"This is most irregular Doctor..."

"GENERAL!"

"Does Major Carter need to bring any equipment?" With any other officer, he'd have been worrying about Base security and stray Goa'ulds, but not this time - there was something in Janet's expression that told him the need for Major Carter's presence was immediate and genuine, without any ulterior motives.

"Just herself Sir - we should be able to gate back to the SGC within about five minutes of her arrival..."

"Very well Doctor, but I expect a full report on your return..."

"Yes Sir...."

"Hammond Out...."

 

* * *

 

 

"Janet?" Coming out of the Gate, Sam blinked as her eyes adjusted to the snowstorm which was surprisingly light and refreshing, more like a summer shower after a humid afternoon than a winter blizzard, despite the snow flurries suggesting to the contrary.

  
"Up here Sam...." Turning to her left, Sam spotted her lover and six team members perched on top of the MALP and FRED which had already been loaded with their supplies and equipment, ready for their return.

"Do I want to know why you're up there?" asked Sam amused, although reluctant to let her guard or gun relax, just yet. Whilst they were on an uninhabited planet, protected by the Asgard, and recommended to them by Heimdall, who promised (correctly as it would later turn out) a treasure trove of natural medicinal remedies for many Tauri ailments, as far as Sam was concerned, you could never be too careful.

"Umm, when you came to this planet to check it out for us, how did you dial home?" asked Janet, looking down to Sam.

"Heimdall remotely opened the gate for us, why? Is the DHD broken?" asked Sam, seeing in her mind’s eye the pictures of the DHD which Heimdall had recorded for her, showing a fully functioning DHD.

"Not broken...." admitted Janet shyly, nodding at something to the right and slightly ahead of Sam, "...but inaccessible...."

"Inaccessible?" asked Sam, striding over towards the DHD and seeing immediately what the problem was.

"You can't reach it?" she guessed, spotting the DHD sitting atop a smooth pillar some 8 feet from the ground.

"No...Lieutenant Jenkins tried sitting on Corporal Smith's shoulders...." explained Janet, gesturing towards her team members, "...but we couldn't make it..."

"Ah..." Was it wrong for Sam to be thoroughly amused by her lover's predicament.

"STOP SMIRKING MAJOR CARTER!"

"Sorry Doctor..." Obviously, it was.

"Would you be so kind as to give me a boost?" asked Janet in a polite tone, glad that the team accompanying her was a medical one comprising some of her closest professional colleagues and so, as a result, were all aware of the relationship she shared with Sam.

"You want to ride on my shoulders to dial out?" asked Sam, smirking now she remembered the last time they'd done that - it had involved trying to locate Christmas decorations in the attic without disturbing a sleeping Cassie by getting out the noisy stepladder.

"If you wouldn't mind...I've now got snow AND sand inside my uniform..." explained Janet, carefully moving towards the edge of the MALP so as to be able to climb onto her lover.

"Unpleasant..." agreed Sam, satisfied as to the situation enough now so as to be prepared to remove her kit and place it on the MALP, ready for Janet to sit on her shoulders, "...why are you all up there?" she asked, not unreasonably as she waited for Janet to remove some of her gear.

"We were hoping we'd gain enough height Ma'am..." explained Smith, wondering how long it would take for this particular adventure to hit the gossip grapevine at the SGC.

"Ah..." There really wasn't much more to say.....

 

* * *

 

"Welcome back Doctor, Major Carter, did you manage to resolve the DHD problem?"

"Yes Sir."

"Excellent. Debriefing in one hour..." General Hammond didn't hear the chorus of 'Yes Sirs' uttered by the medical team, distracted by what he was seeing...

"Sergeant?"

"Yes General?"

"Does that look like...?" He was unable to finish his thought.

"It does Sir..." There was no way to disagree.

"Best not tell Doctor Fraiser..." he observed, before turning and heading towards his office, the urge to whistle overwhelming.

"No Sir, best not Sir..." agreed the Sergeant, looking at the unexpected sight in the Gate Room. It was an unfortunate combination of coincidences...The team of 7 medical personnel, lead by Doctor Fraiser had left for a sandy planet some six hours earlier...and somehow, none of them appeared taller than about 5 foot 4....now, six hours later, they'd returned, seven weary medics, wearing biscuit coloured BDUs, clustered around one much taller officer, wearing arctic white BDUs....all dusted with snow.

"Never thought I'd see Snow White and the Seven Dwarves in the Gate Room...." muttered Siler, watching in amusement as, unknown to the recently returned team, the control room started whistling and singing....

"Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work we go...."


	14. We're not doing that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no challenge, just an attempt to make @kimly smile....

"Sergeant?"

"I don't know Sir..."

"What do you mean?" Bemused, General Hammond crossed the control room to stand behind Sergeant Davies and study the dialing computer's screen.

"Uh, General?" Confused as to the cause of the delay, Jack O'Neill was calling up from the gateroom. He should have been on sunny Px2-T7P by now...

"Major Carter..." Hammond didn't need to explain further, it was fairly clear what was happening, or rather, what wasn't happening...

"On my way Sir..." confirmed Sam, unclipping her pack but keeping her weapons...some habits were hard to break.

"Uh, Sir?" Jack really didn't like being kept out of the loop.

"Hold your position Colonel..." commanded Hammond automatically, causing Jack to look up at the control room in disbelief - his orders were to go through the gate, the gate wasn't working...how the hell could he do anything else?

 

* * *

 

"General?" enquired Sam, coming into the control room, concerned when Walter immediately relinquished the control computer chair to her, making her wish perhaps she'd given Teal'c her P90...the gun really didn't combine well with a keyboard.

"Take a look, Major..." Bemused, Sam sat down and focussed on the screen, automatically removing her cap and scrubbing her fingers through her hair.

"What did you do Walter?" she asked suspiciously, not liking what she was seeing.

"Nothing Ma'am...it just..."

"This isn't a good thing I take it?" He was in charge of the most technologically sophisticated installation on the planet and his granddaughter programmed the VCR for him...General Hammond and computers didn't exactly mix well.

"No Sir...you better stand SG1 down Sir..." explained Sam, trying not to sound too weary as she stood up and unclipped her P90, before handing it off to a nearby Marine. She wouldn't be needing that for a while.

* * *

 

"What's happening Carter?" asked Jack, coming into the control room having changed back into his base clothes, Teal'c and Daniel following him.

"Not a lot Sir..." replied Sam distractedly, chewing on her lip as she considered the screen in front of her, which was almost arrogantly saying

 

**GateDial_10b has encountered a problem and needs to close. We are sorry for the inconvenience.**

If you were in the middle of something, the information you were working on might be lost.

Please tell Microsoft about this problem.  
We have created an error report that you can send to us. We will treat this report as confidential and anonymous.

 

"I'm guessing we're not doing that?" asked Jack, shoving his hands deep into his pockets as the urge to touch something became a little too much to resist.

"No Sir...we're not doing that..."

"Is this computer even on the internet?" asked Daniel, coming to stand behind Sam's right shoulder, making her tense. She loved her teammates, really, but there was a time when....

"Too close guys..." she muttered through gritted teeth, teeth which only relaxed when both men took a self conscious step backwards.

"Sorry Sam..." muttered Daniel, Jack remaining silent but looking sheepish.

"Can we be of assistance Major Carter?" asked Teal'c politely, already deciding he would instruct O'Neill in some more staff weapon teachings since his presence would only serve to irritate the astrophysicist.

"No Teal'c..."

"Very well. Colonel O'Neill..."

"Yes Teal'c?"

"You will come with me." If the technicians were surprised to hear the big Jaffa order the Colonel, they concealed it well.

"I will?"

"Yes Jack...we will..." declared Daniel, understanding what the Jaffa was up to and deciding it was the best plan going. There were times when SG1 was actually just a one woman team with muscle back up....and on those occasions, experience had taught him well...

"Just yell if you need us Sam..."

"Thanks Daniel..." Throughout the exchange, Sam's eyes never left the screen.

"Yeah, later Carter....save the world..." added Jack, shuffling out of the control room, wondering what Teal'c was going to make him do....as long as it wasn't paperwork, he really didn't care.

"Yes Sir..." the response was automatic, as was the next three key strokes Major Carter pressed. You could be a certified genius, but sometimes, there was no other option....she pressed Ctrl-Alt-Del and prayed....

 

* * *

 

"How's it goin'?" The shifts had changed around Sam, but still she'd sat, hunched over the control terminal, painstakingly combing through her system, trying to fathom how _her_ system had managed to lose _her_ dialling program.

"Not brilliantly..." admitted Sam, finally tearing her gaze away from the screen at the sound of her lover, Dr Janet Fraiser.

"You had anything other than coffee in the last 7 hours?" asked Janet reasonably, knowing what the answer was. When she'd had the report from Hammond twenty minutes after the mission was scrubbed due to the gate not working, Janet had asked the control room to contact her when Sam ate. Funnily enough, she hadn't heard anything yet....

"Does half a packet of Mentos count?" asked Sam, having the decency to blush before returning her concentration to the screen.

"At least you kept your blood sugar level up..." conceded Janet, knowing that Sam would have had the sweets in the pocket of her mission BDUs which she was still wearing, before placing her hands on Sam's shoulders and starting a rather precise and firm massage of neck tendons and muscles which were doing a highly impressive impression of piano wire.

"Jan?" Surprised at her lover's bold behaviour, Sam furrowed her brow in what looked like intense intellectual concentration - actually, it was a desperate attempt not to react to her lover's ministrations in anything other than a totally unprofessional way.

"You've finally discovered what makes the CMO do house calls..." explained Janet, working carefully at a particularly stubborn knot, before continuing, for the benefit of the technicians as much as for Sam, "...you've not moved in over seven hours and now have a tension headache, which I can't medicate because you haven't eaten, but as long as you have the headache, the thought of eating makes you nauseous..." again, there was a pause as Janet worked at another stubborn spot, "...am I telepathic Major?"

"Yes Doctor..." agreed Sam, suddenly spotting something.

"Got it!"

"Really?" Amazed, Janet's fingers stilled as she leant over Sam's shoulder to try and spot what was the cause of the whole facility to grind to a near halt for too long.

"Yeah..." Quickly resetting a few things, the system began the now familiar process of rebooting.

"You've fixed it?" Janet asked the question everyone else was too junior to dare ask.

"Yeah..."

"It was that easy?"

"Once I'd found it, yeah....full system restore to the last back up will take a while though..." admitted Sam thoughtfully.

"What happened?" The answer to Janet's question came somewhat tangentially, as Sam reached for the microphone and flicked the switch to ensure her announcement was broadcast to the entire base.

"THIS IS MAJOR CARTER. WOULD THE PERSON WHO SET WINDOWS UPDATE ON THE DIALING COMPUTER TO AUTOMATIC PLEASE MAKE THEIR WAY TO GENERAL HAMMOND'S OFFICE."

"Windows Update?" asked Janet, amazed.

"Yeah..." agreed Sam, carefully standing up and feeling the satisfied pop of far too many vertebrae for Janet's liking.

"You Infirmary....NOW!" demanded the CMO, poking the stretching Sam in the stomach when she started to protest, earning carefully concealed smirks from the assembled technicians, as well as a round of applause, much to the Major's embarrassment.

"What's in Hammond's office?" asked Janet conversationally as they headed towards the infirmary.

"Discharge papers for the twit..."


	15. Semisolid Suspension of Proteins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this a sex scene? I'm really not apologising for this...but somehow, I don't think you want me to.....

"How do we play Sir?" asked Sam, knowing exactly how to play, but deciding it wouldn't do to admit.  
  
"Easy....dump jello shot out of glass on nominated stomach and eat without using your hands," explained Jack in a tone as if to say 'use your imagination Carter!'

"Nominated stomach?" questioned Janet, not entirely sure she was able to keep a straight face, or her impression of innocence for much longer.  
  
"Yeah...someone's gotta be the table...."

"Who Jack?" asked Daniel, wondering how they'd managed to get into this game in the first position, before deciding that, if they were drunk enough to play drinking games involving randomly drawn playing cards, they were drunk enough to do this

"Not Teal'c..."  
  
"Why am I not suitable O'Neil?" rumbled Teal'c, not phased about not being 'table' but wanting to know the reason.  
  
"Junior's house..." explained Jack, gesturing to the Jaffa's stomach - really wasn't going to work for his gag reflex.

"And I can't do it..." continued Jack, lifting his t shirt proudly to reveal his chest hair - no further explanation was required, with Daniel immediately mirroring the gesture and saying,  
  
"Chest hair, can't be me..." with a flash of his own stomach as evidence. Unsurprisingly, all eyes turned to Janet and Sam.

"No Sir....no...."  
  
"C'mon Carter...it's jello..."

Deep in the still sober bit of Janet's brain, she was quietly mumbling that really, if the world was at all normal, her lover's CO shouldn't be rigging drinking games so as to eat jello from her lover's stomach....but it was only mumbling.  
  
"C'mon Sam...." pleaded Daniel, oblivious to the killer point for their argument that was about to be presented.  
  
Chewing on her lip, Sam considered things as best she could, given the lateness of the hour and the ratio of consumption of pizza slices to beer (about 2:5). Something wasn't right about this....hers wasn't the only hairless or pouchless stomach in the room....  
  
"Why not Janet?" The question was out of her mouth before her brain could provide the answer - did she really want her teammates doing body shots on her lover?

"Because the best 'table' is a 'six pack'...." The words were out of Janet's mouth before she could stop them....  
  
"Uh, Janet?" Time seemed to freeze as everyone caught up with Sam's processing of Janet's comment.  
  
"Carter has a six pack?" queried Jack, tilting his head and trying to remember ever seeing his 21C's stomach recently.  
  
"You've done this before?" asked Daniel, blinking hard as he tried to imagine Janet doing something as silly as jello body shots.

"I believe the matter is settled then..." rumbled Teal'c, curious as to what was to come. Heading into the kitchen, the Jaffa set about retrieving the tray of 'vodka enhanced' jello shots Jack had made.  
  
"C'mon Carter, strip off...." taunted Jack gleefully, making a big show of placing a cushion on the floor for Sam to rest her head on.

Shooting her lover what she hoped was a slightly evil glance for getting her into this, Sam obediently removed her shirt, revealing a rather more adventurous underwear selection than she'd normally have worn for a team night 'in' at Jack's house (the fact that it coincided with Janet's downtime had resulted in a reevaluation of her decision) before, ignoring the catcalls from Jack and Daniel, lying down.

"Janet's first..." warned Sam, deciding that, if they were really lucky, the 'boys' might be so distracted by the view as to forget to continue.  
  
"But of course, I am an officer..." explained Jack, lurching drunkenly to his feet as he headed to find a nice blue jello shot for Janet.

"Thank you Sir...." Even when she was about to have body shots done on her in his living room, Sam couldn't bring herself to call him 'Jack'.  
  
"Good thing Sam's the gentleman..." quipped Janet, accepting the suspiciously liquid looking jello from Jack and eying where would be the best place to 'tip' it.

Before anyone could think of a response to that comment, Janet had selected her spot (just a little above and to the left of Sam's navel, about two inches above Sam's really tickilish spot) and dumped the shot glass upside down on her lover's stomach.

"Is that supposed to occur?" asked Teal'c finally, when it was clear no one else was going to say anything.  
  
"Uh, kinda..." explained Daniel, blinking furiously in an attempt to improve his vision.  
  
"Major Carter, is jello not normally stiffer?" asked Teal'c, arching an eyebrow as he noticed Janet's tongue sneak out to catch a rivulet of fruity vodka liquid run down Sam's stomach.

"Yes Teal'c...." breathed Sam, having to concentrate very carefully on not making totally inappropriate sounds given their present company (but entirely appropriate given her lover's activities).  
  
"Then what is the reason for the error?" pressed Teal'c, eager to understand what had gone wrong this time.  
  
"Vodka doesn't break down the colloidal proteins to achieve the semisolid suspension..." As Sam desperately began to try to maintain her remaining shreds of dignity by explaining the physics of jello setting, Daniel and Jack opened another beer each and stood transfixed.

"It's incredible...." observed Daniel, marvelling at what was happening in front of him.  
  
"Two women....gorgeous women..." agreed Jack, enjoying the sight.  
  
"No...not that....I mean..." Daniel gestured at the ladies when he felt Jack's amazed gaze on him, "...not just that..."  
  
"Then what?"  
  
"She really can use physics to...you know...."  
  
"This is Carter..." agreed Jack, taking a swig from his beer, "...somehow I didn't think she'd recite baseball stats...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, there's a sequel.... 'Cleansing Rituals', hopefully the next chapter (if my archiving is correct).


	16. Cleansing Rituals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sequel to 'Semisolid suspension of proteins'
> 
> Can't have too much jello....

"No Sir..." Samantha Carter may have had a few more beers than was necessarily sensible, but still the Air Force training remained - she could not, would not, call her C.O. by his name.

"But it's jello Sam!" protested Jack, waving at the tray of glasses Teal'c had brought through from the kitchen at Jack's request.

"Contaminated with alcohol Sir..." reasoned Sam sensibly, absolutely certain she was not doing jello shots with her C.O....not again.

"I used less vodka..." protested Jack, making everyone assembled remember the last time he'd tried to make jello shots - the alcohol content had been so high the jello had never set.

"They've set?" asked Daniel, scrambling across to the table and poking one, discovering that yes, the jello had set.

"It wobbles..." the linguist observed, getting a rather civilian attack of the giggles.

"Is that not an essential requirement for jello?" questioned Teal'c, not seeing why the statement of such an obvious fact would constitute something amusing.

"'Course it wobbles..." agreed Jack proudly, dropping his beer bottle to the floor and slumping at the table to join Daniel in poking the jello shots.

"You know..." began Daniel, pushing his glasses up his nose in the hope that would improve his vision...when actually, noted Janet idly, amused at the sight of SG1 drunk in front of her, only some sleep and clear fluids would probably help, "...these would wobble way better if they were..." Rather than grasp for the words, Daniel demonstrated - with extreme care he turned the shot glass upside down and coaxed the jello out so that it was standing on the tray. As if to confirm the archaeologist's point, Jack poked it.

"It wobbles more..." agreed Jack, taking a second near-conical shaped glass and carefully turning out so that it was sitting next to Daniel's gently wobbling mound of jello.

"They both wobble..." observed Teal'c dryly, not appreciating the significance of the two...until Jack poked - setting both of them in motion, and Daniel's giggles off once more.

"They look..." was all the normally eloquent (or rambling, depending whether you got your post-mission shower before or after the debrief) linguist could say, before giggles rendered all speech impossible, and was quickly joined by Jack.

"Uh, boys?" queried Janet when it was eventually clear that no explanation was coming as to why two conical mounds of green jello were so hysterical.

"Umm, PX1...." began Daniel, only to lose it again. Unfortunately, the partially remembered gate address was enough to clarify the situation to Teal'c, who was only too ready to oblige Janet with an explanation.

"PX1-23Y: it was the first mission for SG1 following my inclusion in the team. Major Carter had to endure a most embarrassing 'cleansing' ritual."

"Cleansing ritual?" questioned Janet, turning to look at her lover. She'd remembered the mission, remembered the report...remembered a rather dry report that contained no satisfactory reason why Sam had been covered in....

"Green body paint?" asked Janet sharply, suddenly turning a knowing gaze on a suddenly sober Sam who was currently trying to be swallowed up by Jack's couch. They'd sworn they would tell no one about this, and certainly not...

"Topless...." wheezed Jack, finding enough breath in between giggles to help with the explanation and reveal the final detail that would see him suffer at the hands of Sam Carter for a very long time.

Suddenly, Janet had all the information as pieces of a long forgotten puzzle fell into place. Amused, she turned to her lover who had discovered a fascinating new shade of beetroot to blush. There was only one question that could be asked:

"You danced topless through the village square?"


	17. Pool Shark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not the world's greatest pool player, but I like to think I know my fluff...and this is what happened when I combined @elfcat's challenge, pool and a dose of SG1...

 

"I dare ya..."

"Sir..."

"I double dare ya..."

"Colonel, I..."

"You're not going to chicken out, are you Carter?" taunted Jack, taking another swig of his beer.

"Sir, I don't think..." began Sam, chewing her lip and looking to Janet for reassurance and support.

"Hey, O'Neill? Do I hear the mighty SG1 welshing on a bet?" boomed out Ferretti, staggering slightly drunkenly to his feet, so as to better taunt his friend.

"You're hearing SG1 making a bet...we're thinkin'..." taunted Jack, brandishing his own bottle in a drunken attempt at a salute, "...it's what we're good at..." he declared proudly, gesturing to Carter. When it came to brains, he really did beat any other team C.O. hands down....he play his Carter, see their stakes and then raise them a Daniel Jackson...

"Sir..." Once again, Carter tried to be the cool head of reason.

"What are the stakes Jack?" asked Janet, being able to relax into 'off duty' mode more easily than her lover, and actually follow through on Jack's instruction to 'Lose the Sir Carter'.

"Umm...doohickey duty?" he suggested, only to see the look of horror on both ladies' faces when he mentioned his name for Sam's hours of work trying to identify the latest unknown artefact or technological marvel.

"Not doohickey duty..." there was a pause whilst Jack's seventh beer interacted with his sixth in a decidedly ungentlemanly fashion, "...I'll go fishing for a week..." he finally offered, only to be confronted by twin grins from Sam and Janet, much to the confusion of their eavesdropping friends.

"Done Sir..." agreed Carter immediately, her enthusiasm for having her C.O. booking a week's leave to go fishing, giving her the opportunity to book an uninterrupted week's leave with Janet seeming worth any bet he was about to make.

"What's the bet Jack?" asked Daniel, curious....

"I beat Carter at pool..." declared Jack proudly, finishing off his beer.

"Uh, Jack?" questioned Daniel, uncertain if he'd heard his friend correctly. Jack was useless at pool, and Sam was the Base Champion...with her left hand. No one would play her right-handed anymore...

"Is this a wise gamble O'Neill?" rumbled Teal'c, equally confused. Jack O'Neill's attempts to win at the game of pool were invariably unsuccessful.

"She's handicapped..." Jack declared proudly, gesturing to Carter.

"How?" Daniel was intrigued...if nothing else, it would be entertaining to watch, Jack always was when he tried to play pool.

"Only allowed to touch the cue...not the table..." announced Jack, pleased with his unique handicapping system.

"Sir?" Sam was confused. She didn't mind being 'handicapped' - over the years a number of inventive systems had been developed by her friends, from giving away shots, to specifying potting orders, even playing with one eye closed...but not touching the table?

"You're not allowed to touch the table Sam..." explained Jack, as if that answered everything...

"Yes Sir..." Sam's scepticism was the nearest the blonde ever came to insubordination.

"You crafty son of a..." exclaimed Ferretti, suddenly remembering a pool game he'd played with Jack years ago, when they were trying to 'score' with the ladies...

"I prefer to think myself inspired..." corrected Jack happily, now tipping his beer bottle to his friend in acknowledgment of the complement.

"What's the handicap really Jack?" asked Janet, curious.

"You..." came the simple response.

"Me?" Janet didn't follow.

"Oh god..." Sam did....

"Can't go back on your bet Carter..." taunted Jack, enjoying himself immensely. It really wasn't often he got her squirming...

"No Sir..." agreed Sam, thinking how she'd manage to do this and, for the first time in a very long time, beginning to think she might lose.

"Sam?" asked Janet quietly, waiting for the explanation.

"It's best I show you..." muttered Sam, looking into her lover's eyes and seeing the trust and curiosity there.

"Okay..." agreed Janet easily, letting herself be led to the pool table.

"Umm, can you line up to break?" asked Sam, passing Janet a cue that was far too long for her.

"With that?" asked Janet, eying the over long cue that was, on reflection, exactly the right length for Sam to use.

"Yeah...just grip it lower down..." encouraged Sam, waiting for Janet to line up on the table as if to break the balls. Once her lover was settled, Sam carefully stepped up right behind Janet, glad that the bar was booked out for their private party which was only for Jack's closest friends....if there was anyone who didn't know about their relationship, it was going to become pretty obvious soon....

"Are you going to do what I think you're going to do?" asked Janet, suddenly very conscious of Sam's body wrapping around hers...."

"I'm not allowed to touch the table..." muttered Sam, taking the end of the cue in her right hand. "...let go of the cue sweetheart..." prompted Sam, glad when Janet let go.

Thinking carefully, Sam finally played her shot, potting a couple of balls...

"No fair! You used your right hand!" protested Jack, seeing that Sam played the shot with her right hand rather than the left hand she normally used when playing pool against him.

"Janet can only play with her right hand Sir..." explained Sam, not yet standing up, rather enjoying being draped over Janet in this fashion...she'd always enjoyed the light fruit scent of Janet's shampoo...

"How about this Jack?" offered Janet, slipping her right hand, which had been resting against her thigh, into the snug back pocket of Sam's jeans, surprising Sam, causing the cue to wobble...

"Good call Doc...rack 'em up Space Monkey..."

"Janet?" muttered Sam, standing up and stepping back from the table so that Daniel and Teal'c could re-rack the balls as people began making side bets about who would win...

"Yes?"

"What are you doing with your hand?"

"Keeping it out of the way..."

"In my back pocket?" Sam's voice was nearly a squeak...she'd resigned herself to Jack fighting dirty to win the bet, but Janet? Wasn't she supposed to be on Sam's side?

"The bet's a week's vacation right?"

"Right..." Sam wasn't seeing the significance.

"If JACK wins..." explained Janet, mentally remembering to thank the Colonel one day. It really was inspired....

"Huh?" Sam was confused, having missed the precise nuances of the bet terms.

"If Jack wins, he'll swing us a week's leave together...whilst he gets the glory of being able to claim he beat you when you were playing right handed..." explained Janet, watching her lover process this latest puzzle.

"You want me to throw the game?" asked Sam, surprised. Wasn't Janet on her side?

"No...play as well as you can..." confirmed Janet, her eyes sparkling.

"But you're going to be a tease..." realised Sam, remembering that Janet was the only other person at the SGC who'd beaten her at pool when she was playing right handed...it wasn't a fair fight...

"Ready to play?" asked Janet, taking a final sip of her beer.

"Lead on..." gestured Sam politely, deciding that, if two were already playing dirty, no reason she couldn't join in...

 

* * *

 

It was an interesting game. Jack broke, leaving Sam plenty of awkward shots which would ordinarily require some flexibility and dexterity to play them well, never mind when you were having to entwine yourself with your lover. Unsurprisingly, Sam didn't quite manage to make the shot, leaving Jack an easy tap in to put him ahead.

"Stripes for you Carter..." announced Jack with glee, only to miss his next shot as, standing right in his cue line, was Sam, who was having her belt removed by Janet....

"Your buckle's gonna bruise my back...." the doctor offered by way of explanation.

"Ah, sorry..." apologised Sam, noticing out of the corner of her eye the messed shot and simple set up she'd been left with to level.

"Your play Sam..." groused Jack only semi-annoyed. The way he saw it, this was a win-win game...the leave really wasn't the prize...

Obediently, Sam trotted to the table and helped Janet repeat their earlier attempts at a set up. With a much more straightforward shot, Sam pocketed the ball cleanly, leaving her with a reasonably makeable shot for her second.

"Way to go Sam..." called out Daniel, wanting his friend to put up a good fight, even if it was in her interests to lose...somehow though, Daniel knew she wouldn't throw the match.

"Thanks..." After taking a long swig of her beer, Sam turned to see Janet already set up waiting for Sam to take the next shot, prompting Sam to hurry to participate...and pot another ball. Unfortunately, whilst Sam still had excellent control of the cue, Janet's fingers weren't as practiced at Sam at producing the solid base for the shot, meaning that she ended up being on nothing but solids.

With nothing playable, Sam gently rearranged Janet's position so she was aligned to some invisible spot on the top rail before once more engulfing her lover in an interesting embrace that included the pool cue. This time, the shot was successful as far as Sam was concerned, leaving Jack with some options but nothing too easy.

"Your play Sir..."

"Thanks Sam..." acknowledged Jack politely, before quickly sinking two balls in a single flukey shot, putting him two ahead.

"Well played Jack..." complimented Janet graciously from her position leaning against Sam, the blonde's arms resting lightly on the doctor's shoulders.

"Thanks..." As Jack straightened to flash a cocky grin at Janet and Sam, Sam's hands drifted down to fiddle with the open neck of Janet's shirt. Seemingly oblivious to Jack's scrutiny, Sam commented,

"You should have worn a different top...you're putting on a show..." all the while fussing with Janet's shirt, which was actually very modest.

Of course, Jack's next shot went hopelessly wild on account of his brain trying to remember if Janet had indeed been putting on a show...

"You're not playing fair Carter..." he protested as he yielded the table.

"And you are Sir?" asked Sam pointedly, inspecting the table before identifying a fairly easy way to level the score. With Janet's assistance, this was quickly achieved, but the fourth ball...

"We need to stretch Jan..." explained Sam, preparing for the shot which, for Sam's long limbs would have been a challenge, but for Janet...

"I trust you..." declared Janet, seconds before she felt Sam's hands slip around her waist and lift her up carefully, before trapping her lover against the table, feet a few inches above the floor. The position looked uncomfortable, but actually, it was anything but, with Janet virtually lying on the table, with her weight balanced on Sam's strong thigh which she was now straddling...

"This isn't text book..." she mused, enjoying herself even more when she felt Sam's body press against her back.

"You're telling me..." breathed Sam, before skilfully potting their ball....and the white. They were now in the lead, but Jack had a free shot...

Once again, Jack managed to get one shot in front before his concentration wandered...

"Can you let your hair down Jan? It's tickling my nose..." explained Sam, loosening her embrace enough so that Janet could reach up and release her hairpins, before shaking her hair loose like some Siren...it was all Jack could do to keep the cue ball on the table! Wordlessly, he vacated the table so that Sam could, if this were a normal game, clean up...

With the score at 5 to Jack, Sam considered the table carefully. She could probably pot the red and orange in a single shot but...for reasons that she didn't like to analyse too carefully, Sam favoured the shot for the blue...no need to rush her potting by doing multiples - she was playing Jack after all....

As many expected (although some were surprised she hadn't gone for the red-orange double) Sam and Janet sank the blue, levelling the score and leaving another easy pot which Sam could sink with her eyes closed...not that she did, close her eyes that is, until the moment when the ball dropped in the pocket, but that had less to do with the pot and everything to do with the cheeky pinch Janet had given her butt, reminding the Major about the hand snugly sitting in her back pocket...

...and which was the only reason why she didn't make the final pot of the green, being unable to focus past the end of the cue as Janet's hand reminded Sam quite how snugly it fitted into her pocket, and how snugly Sam herself fitted into her jeans.

 

 

* * *

 

With the score at 6 to Jack and 5 to Sam, Jack considered the table. There was very little that was easily on, but judging by the way Janet was kissing Sam whilst they waited for him to play, he had a feeling he'd get a few goes at cleaning up the table. Considering how many beers he'd had, he was seeing the shots remarkably clearly...shame he was also seeing Carter and Fraiser that clearly too...he was going to need those shots...

"Ahem...ladies?" he called loudly, in an attempt to be heard over the good natured cat calls and whistles his friends were getting. Accepting the cue, Sam considered the table.

"Didn't pot anything?" she asked, counting up the balls left and discovering he must have hit his blue, but not potted anything. Unfortunately, he'd only managed to stop her from a clean shot at either of her two remaining balls as well...

"Nah, no need to rush..." he declared, relocating his beer.

The next shot was over quickly, with Sam being able to do little more than avoid conceding a free shot, something which Janet recognised because she also behaved herself and kept her tormenting and teasing of Sam to the absolute minimum, which was fairly high considering the blonde was effectively lying on top of her and breathing down her neck....

"Your play Sir..."

"Thank you Sam..." She'd left him an easy shot...even Teal'c wouldn't be able to miss it, thought Sam resignedly.

"We calling pockets Sir?" asked Sam as the final solid dropped into the pocket with a satisfying 'thunk'.

"Sure...top right..." called Jack, eying the black 8-ball with delight...this had been a good game...

He lined up his shot and with a cool, calm head, carefully rolled the ball into the pocket...he'd...

"I've won!" he exclaimed the moment he saw the black ball drop, focussing solely on the top right pocket....

"You sure about that Jack?" asked Daniel, watching the white as it majestically rolled across the table, heading to only one place....the pocket.

"No.....!"

"Sam's still undefeated..." observed Daniel helpfully, glad that Sam was still the undisputed champion, despite Jack's best efforts.

"Good game..." he declared finally, grinning at Sam and slapping her on the back.

"Thank you Sir..." Sam wasn't sure whether she should be pleased or annoyed about the flukey victory. She was proud of her record, but a week's extra leave...

"I'm still booking the leave Sam..." said Jack knowingly, taking a swig from yet another beer.

"Sir?"

"Way I see it...we all won..." Jack's grin was far too 'shit-eating' for his own good, prompting Sam to groan at the obvious comment. It was Janet that reacted first to the knowing wink and smirk, with a smirk of her own,

"Second week in October would be perfect thank you Jack...." she began, only for Jack to attempt to interrupt,

"..but..."

"I wouldn't Sir..." began Carter, beginning to see the funny side as she wrapped her arms around Janet's waist, enjoying the light-hearted spirit in the bar.

"Indeed O'Neill, have you not often commented about the size of the 'Napoleonic Powermonger's' needles?"

"Teal'c!" Jack's shout was lost amongst the laughter that swelled up amongst his friends...he really couldn't win...still, as he'd already noted, everyone had won, really....


	18. Prometheus glued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure where this one came from...or even if it's fluffy (I have a feeling I've wandered into 'cute'...)

"Doctor Fraiser?"

"Yes?" Looking up from her paperwork Janet waited for her nurse to explain what the problem was.

"It's Major Carter Ma'am..." began the nurse, knowing that was all that was necessary to get her boss already preparing to move out into the infirmary.

"What's changed?" asked Janet sharply, reaching for her stethoscope.

"Nothing Ma'am...except her attention span..."

"Ah...she's bored?" asked Janet, relaxing now she knew it wasn't a strict medical emergency per se.

"I'm not sure Ma'am..." came the cryptic response as the nurse led her boss out into the main infirmary towards the bed occupied by the blonde major.

"What's she doing?" asked Janet, knowing how much Sam hated being kept in the infirmary for observation, away from her laptop and experiments. After a number of arguments however, with Sam finally understanding that Janet wasn't attempting a subtle form of sensory deprivation torture, Sam had at least learnt not to terrorise the infirmary staff too much, although she did continue to pout at Janet when they were alone.

"Building something..." explained the nurse, stepping to the side so Janet could see what the ever inventive Major had got up to.

 

"Sam?" asked Janet quietly, when she'd taken in the sight before her.

"Hey Janet..." called Sam easily, not looking up from her task.

"Thank you Lieutenant..." said Janet quietly, in a tone that left no doubt as to what was expected of the young officer, who quickly left to resume her work on the far side of the infirmary.

Stepping inside the curtain line of the cubicle, Janet drew the curtains around the bed, shielding her lover from prying eyes.

"Did the guys smuggle this in?" asked Janet gently, gesturing towards the materials laid out on the table top which was rolled into position over Sam's bed.

"No...they were on the side..." explained Sam, inclining her head towards the small unit in the corner of the cubicle which was stocked with basic medical supplies such as single use disposable scalpels, tongue depressors, surgical tape and glue, gloves etc.

"And you helped yourself..." concluded Janet, reaching out to smooth the errant hairs that were sticking out at all angles from Sam's brow, prompting the blonde to finally look up at her lover.

"You're mad I got out of bed...I'm sorry..." began Sam, suddenly feeling guilty. She had promised she'd be better about being confined to the infirmary, but she just couldn't do nothing...

"You're forgiven...actually, I probably should have checked what you were up to sooner..." teased Janet, adopting the tone that mothers everywhere master not long after their offspring start getting into trouble. She should have known Sam wouldn't have been totally innocent and well behaved for the entire three hours since Janet had dragged herself off to do paperwork.

"Am I in trouble?" asked Sam, unleashing what Janet privately thought of as the SGC's most powerful weapon - Sam's rich blue eyes, which were currently nervously searching Janet's face for any clue as to how much trouble she was really in.

"Depends..." decided Janet, reaching to take her lover's hand in her own and start a gentle, soothing caress across the back of her palm.

"On?"

"Have you left me any tongue depressors and glue?" teased Janet gently, turning now to look at the little masterpiece Sam had made.

"Was that cabinet your only stock?" asked Sam nervous.

"Why, do I need to restock it?" Sam's sheepish grin was admission enough. Janet made a mental note to get a nurse to restock...

"Is it the Prometheus?" guessed Janet, considering the model that was two thirds complete or so.

"Yeah..." agreed Sam, turning her model, which was effectively a matchstick model, although she'd had to make her 'matchsticks' by slicing up tongue depressors using a scalpel, so that Janet could see the other end.

"It's not to scale is it?" asked Janet, half expecting it to be - when Sam decided to do something, it was done with a care and precision few others could ever aspire to reach. Making a model of a spaceship from matchsticks would be approached in exactly the same way...

"I didn't have a ruler, so it's approximate..." admitted Sam, chewing on her lip as she considered her handiwork.

"Ah..." Janet really didn't know what else to say, other than telling Sam how cute and adorable she was, which, Janet knew from past experience, wouldn't do much to keep Sam's pulse and emotions calm or neutral, which was the whole point of the enforced stay in the infirmary.

"You're mad?" asked Sam, misinterpreting her lover's silence.

"No sweetie...proud..." corrected Janet, her warm loving smile confirming her words. As strange as it may sound, she really was proud of her incredibly intelligent and inventive lover, even if she did make for an almost impossible patient.

"Oh...can I finish it?" asked Sam, her nervous voice accompanied by an imploring plea communicated by her expressive eyes that Janet found impossible to resist.

"Sure..." confirmed Janet, assessing what Sam had laid out in front of her before turning to head through the curtains.

"Where are you going?" asked Sam, immediately missing her lover's company and still a bit uncertain as to whether or not Janet really was mad at her.

"I think you'll need some more tongue depressors sweetie..." explained Janet, before slipping through the curtain to retrieve some more of the wooden sticks, prompting Sam to study the reasonably sized heap she still had to work with. Surely there was enough there to finish the Prometheus?

"I do?" asked Sam when Janet returned, thinking hard about the ship she'd helped design. It wasn't the most streamlined of hulls, but she hadn't missed a lump off, had she?

"You've not got enough for your next project..." explained Janet, presenting Sam with a packet of the wooden sticks and some phials of the glue, much to the confusion of her staff, who'd expected the Major to be told off for not resting. Instead, Janet had decided to indulge Sam - it really was impossible to ask Sam to stop thinking and doing something, with Janet knowing how hyperactive and restless the blonde could get, even in her sleep. Instead, having surreptitiously taken Sam's pulse whilst they were chatting, Janet had decided to indulge the blonde and encourage her model making. It was probably the lesser of two evils, the other being a hyperactive, bored Sam Carter with no focus except her infirmary escape plan...

"My next project?" Sam was confused. Wasn't she supposed to be in trouble for not resting?

"I've always wanted my own little Stargate..."

"You're sure about that?" asked Sam, her face falling slightly....

"Yes..." grinned Janet, knowing exactly what Sam's problem was.

"Not an Asgard ship?" suggested Sam hopefully.

"Nope, a Stargate sweetheart..." confirmed Janet, ruffling Sam's short hair with affection as the astrophysicist began to pout.

"But it's circular..." began Sam, already trying to work out how she was supposed to make a Stargate using matchsticks, which were straight and angular....

"You'll think of something..." declared Janet, full of faith, before pressing a kiss to Sam's forehead and stepping towards the curtains.

Looking back at Sam one last time, Janet was unsurprised to see that her lover was already deep in thought, her long fingers turning the tongue depressors over and over as she thought through the different ways she could set about making a model Stargate, the Prometheus forgotten. Even as she watched her lover's brow furrow, Janet could see the positive effect the challenge was having on her lover's vital readouts, as her heart rate settled into what Janet knew to be Sam's 'at rest' pattern which signalled to the doctor that her patient was relaxing. Smiling, Janet pushed the curtains back and forced herself to return to her paperwork, feeling properly relaxed herself for the first time since Sam had regained consciousness in the early hours of the morning. It was funny though, thought Janet, settling into her chair…she’d always hated model making as a child….


	19. Inter-galactic Radio Shack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With apologies to people who love what I'm about to bash...I love it too, but sometimes...*g* [Original challenger was @elfcat]

"DAMN IT!!!!"

It was unusual to hear shouting from Sam's lab, even more unusual for Daniel to hear Sam shouting from her lab. Curious, he stopped in the doorway to survey the scene...and count the number of different alien technologies Sam appeared to be using in her latest experiment. Daniel had absolutely no idea what all the 'toys' that were laid out on Sam's bench actually did, but he liked to think he was reasonably good at spotting cultures.

Next to Sam's coffee mug (an indication she wasn't dealing with anything toxic or explosive at least, which was comforting to the archaeologist) there was her laptop, running, like all the base 'regular' computers, the latest version of the Windows XP operating system, no doubt with some enhancements, not least because, following the cables coming from one of the USB ports, Daniel could identify the 'port' that Sam had built to hold Tok'ra data crystals that needed to be interfaced with Earth computer systems.

Sitting in the 'port', glowing a gentle purple colour Daniel didn't recall ever seeing in a Goa'uld system before, was a crystal Sam had obviously had 'commissioned' for her, since the crystal itself was another form of socket or adapter, with yet another cable running out of it across Sam's bench to a black box which was so nondescript it could only come from one culture - the Tollan. The arrogant and secretive, yet ultimately friendly (at least, friendly to Sam that was thought Daniel, not being able to come up with any Tollan's he might be able to call a 'friend', unlike Sam...) race had finally agreed to make a couple of 'data interface box things' for Sam. Quite what they did, exactly, Daniel had never quite understood, being only able to see a completely character-free and featureless box, which happened to come with lots of useful sockets which Sam could plug different alien technologies into (providing of course, she had the right adapter) and achieve data transfers between various generic types of alien technology. Tilting his head so he could see past a 'doohickey', Daniel decided it looked like the Tollan 'thing' was acting as an interface between the Tok'ra crystal technology and an Asgard stone system, which was also glowing, yellow this time.

Coming out from the Asgard stone system was another 'cable' (it actually looked like one of Thor's fingers, but Daniel had been repeated assured by both Sam and Heimdall that it was in fact, a completely artificial data conduit....an Asgard USB cable basically) which was plugged directly into another box, this time covered in a very recognisable script - the language of the Ancients, the Asgard having built the 'adapter' for that technology transfer some generations earlier.

Scratching his neck in disbelief, Daniel resisted the urge to lose himself in the Ancients' writings on the device itself and instead tried to work out what that was connected to. Finally spotting the slender fibre-optic cable emerging from one corner, Daniel's eyes traced the line of the snaking cable until he came to another Tollan 'thing' before finding the final cable which led to...

"Oh, Daniel!" exclaimed Sam, spotting her friend and colleague in the doorway.

"Big experiment?" asked Daniel, gesturing to the crowded bench.

"Not exactly..." admitted Sam, perching back on her stool and chewing on her lip as she checked a final diagnostic result on the laptop screen.

"What you trying to do?" asked Daniel, taking Sam's non-dismissal as permission to linger and satisfy his curiosity.

"Huh? Oh, nothing really..." dismissed Sam, taping a few keys on the laptop before taking a gulp of her now cold coffee.

"But you've got Tauri, Tok'ra, Tollan, Asgard, Ancient technologies all connected together..." Daniel trailed off as he felt his arm was more eloquent at expressing the amazement he was experiencing at seeing Sam's inter-galactic 'Radio Shack' display on her bench.

"And Apple..." muttered Sam, spotting her error and correcting it with grim satisfaction.

"Huh?" Daniel didn't remember ever meeting a technologically advanced people called 'Apple'.

"Apple...Janet's birthday present..." explained Sam, walking around to the far end of the bench and lifting up the small, sleek, top of the range IPOD which she'd bought as a birthday present for Janet.

"All this for an IPOD?" asked Daniel, taking off his glasses in his confusion.

"I'm trying to get everything uploaded before I wrap it...can you hit F9 for me please?" Sam asked politely, returning the IPOD to the bench, having first made sure she hadn't dislodged the white cable from it - why couldn't Apple have sent a black one to match the IPOD? White was so....not what Sam thought should go with a black IPOD....

"F9? Done..." announced Daniel, pressing the key once and marvelling when all the technologies started humming.

"What's it doing?" he asked, fascinated.

"Uploading all her music, digital photos and some movies..." explained Sam, watching everything like a hawk - she really needed this to work.

"Ah...umm...isn't there software?" he asked, not expecting the surprisingly venomous look that was immediately directed at him by his normally mild mannered friend.

"You ever tried using ITunes?" asked Sam sarcastically, knowing Daniel was familiar with the programme because of his own IPOD.

"This is easier?"

Sam looked at him.

"Right, stupid question..." agreed Daniel, before asking,

"...could you synchronize mine please?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the time I wrote this, this was the end note:
> 
> I love my IPOD, really I do...but god ITunes is a horrible thing....
> 
> Now, in 2017? My android phone and tablet are marvellous...and I've de-iTunes-ed my life :-)


	20. Squeaky Clean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is fluffy by virtue of being random, and is random because it's fluffy....actually, it came to me in the shower just now and, having been out of writing sorts for a while, decided to grab the idea and write it...unfortunately, you must now all suffer.....*g*

"Anyone seen Major Carter?" asked General Hammond, looking around the briefing room at the weary faces of SG1 and Doctor Fraiser and Lieutenant Hailey. For the CMO and him, it had been a long 30 hours as they had tiptoed the fine line between saving the world and blowing up the Solar System. For Jennifer Hailey it had been another eye popping experience. For SG1, it had been a long 68 hours, with their original mission ending in the first five seconds on PX7-6X5 when they'd been captured by an unscheduled Goa'uld. After a rather intense yet unusually painless imprisonment, they'd escaped and returned in a rush to the SGC, just in time to land in the middle of their crisis. As Mondays went, they were entitled to think it had been a bad one, since it was now stretching into Thursday.

"She said something about a shower..." observed Daniel helpfully, looking startled when all eyes suddenly turned and looked at him intently.

"Guys?" he pleaded, wondering what he'd said wrong.

"Shower as in 'I'm just going to wash off the mud from the mission from hell' shower or shower as in 'I'm just gonna stand under hot water til the tank's empty' shower?" asked Jack, dropping the pen he'd been fiddling with.

"Uh, there's a difference?" asked Daniel, taking off his glasses and cleaning them in an attempt to diffuse his nerves.

"Sir?" asked Janet politely, turning to look towards General Hammond, who understood perfectly.

"Dismissed - go find Major Carter Doctor..."

"Yes Sir..." scrabbling to her feet, Janet headed off, unsurprised to see Jack and Teal'c follow her, not bothering to wait for a dismissal.

"Uh, General?" asked Daniel, on behalf of the equally confused Hailey.

"The SGC doesn't run out of hot water son..." elaborated Hammond kindly, gathering his papers and heading back to his office. They'd call him when they'd found Sam...and officially, the less he knew about the next thirty minutes or so the better, although as honorary godfather to the talented blonde, he couldn't be happier.

 

* * *

 

 

As days went, thought Sam Carter profoundly, even adjusting for normal SGC chaos, Monday was probably not a good day. In fact, given that she was debating this point with herself in the very early hours of Thursday morning, it was safe to declare it a good week (because the world didn't end), but a crap Monday (she got imprisoned by some minor power mad horny teenage Goa'uld god wannabe....again). Now, standing in the shower, hands resting on her knees, head bowed forwards, all she could do was focus on the blissfully hot water as it pounded against her lower back...scrap that, it had been a crap week...but Friday could turn out alright…

She'd got used to being classed, despite her protestations, as the base (and, during crises like the one they'd just had, sometimes planet) genius, expected to drop everything and produce, at a moment's notice, the solution to some random alien nightmare that, if not fixed by her, would end humanity as certainly Colorado liked to know it. She'd even got used to stepping through the gate and getting imprisoned, the thought no longer holding any serious thoughts of permanency or incarceration threat - they would escape, they always did. Amazingly, she'd also got used to returning to the SGC and being sucked into a situation which, whilst she had no experience, knowledge or involvement in, she was expected to solve in moments whilst others had spent days finding the solution impossible. Despite all that, Monday was still surreal....although the Goa'uld was so clichéd it was painful....

 

* * *

 

_Some hours earlier...._

 

"Colonel, we have a problem..." came General Hammond's voice over the speakers as the weary, mucky and battered SG1 tramped down the ramp, all joy and delight at managing to avoid injury vanishing in a moment.

"No hello, glad you're alive Sir?" quipped Jack, removing his grimy ball-cap to rub his dirty forehead with an equally greasy hand.

"Hello, glad to have you back alive Jack, Major Carter..." ignoring Jack, Hammond started reading from a piece of paper. Jack soon lost interest as his boss stumbled over scientific jargon and measurements, only to suddenly become very interested when he felt a P90 being thrust at his stomach, accompanied a second later by the whumping sound of a pack dropping to the floor.

"Hailey thought you'd think it would mean 22 hours?" finished Hammond, looking back up from the paper to see his preferred scientific genius rapidly stripping off as much field kit as she could in preparation for sprinting up the stairs to the gate control room.

"Hailey? Where'd that figure come from?" called out Carter, frantically thinking through scenarios as her kit was gradually either dropped to the floor or pressed to her dumbstruck teammates. Even Teal'c looked bemused at her behaviour, although was drawing reassurance from Hammond's unsurprised participation in the conversation.

"I thought 44 and halved it..." explained the nervous Lieutenant, leaning across to the microphone from where she sat at the computer.

"Ah...McKay's advice?" asked Sam distractedly as she fought to remove a jammed webbing strap from its buckle, only for Teal'c to helpfully cut it with her field knife.

"Yes Ma'am..."

"44 hours to what?" asked Jack, finally finding his tongue.

"The end of the Solar System..." explained Carter in much the same way she'd tell him the Yankees had lost - with no emotion whatsoever, before sprinting (making the Marine on number 2 gun very happy - if they lived to Saturday, he was $500 up having picked 'the end of the universe as we know it' as the one thing to make Carter do something more than jog through the SGC) to the control room, missing Jack's question

"Does that include Pluto?" only to earn him a hard look from Daniel.

"What? It was demoted from a planet to a pluton last week...."

* * *

 

"What do you think Major?" asked Hammond, his nervousness decreasing with every page of data that Carter scanned. Hailey was good, but Carter was better...and had experience with these things...

"That in 14 hours it doesn't matter..." mumbled Sam, turning her back on the General in order to look at some models Hailey had done.

"How does this wipe out the entire Solar System?" asked Daniel quietly, struggling, given the potted exchanges between Hammond and Carter, to work out what was happening.

"Chain reaction apparently...we go, the moon flies off and hits something, which blows up and throws something...." explained Janet quietly, having joined SG1 in the Control Room when it became apparent that they weren't going to make it to the infirmary for a medical. It's amazing what impending oblivion did to protocols...

"Ah..." Daniel's sidebar had managed to ensure he missed something important with Carter, Hammond and Hailey.

"...rebuild it in situ," finished Carter, wiping her mucky face with the back of her equally mucky hand (why couldn’t despotic Goa’uld tyrants clean out their prisons once in awhile?), not looking forward to what she was about to do.

"You sure Major?"

"It's the only solution Sir, but will take me most of the time available…."

"Can't anyone help?"

"Pass me things yes, but there isn't much space down there..."

"And there's no one else?" The solution sounded so simple – rebuild a computer, reload a program and oblivion was avoided – why hadn’t someone thought of that 10 hours ago wondered Hammond, only for the answer to be immediately provided by Sam.

"It took me 2 months to build it Sir...I'm really not sure even I can rebuild it in 13 hours..." admitted Sam honestly, only for Janet, who had a better clue what was happening, to interrupt.

"You'll have to shower first Major..." Holding up her hand to forestall any protests from Sam or Jennifer she continued practically, "... the amount of naquaddah in the soil samples the MALP recorded before your jump would suggest your muddy fingers..."

"...are capable of shorting something as I change it...damn..." Running her hands through her hair in frustration, Sam grabbed a clipboard with a load of data at it and thrust it at Teal'c.

"You're coming with me Teal'c..." she explained hastily, getting a nod of dismissal from Hammond before she rushed off, the patient Jaffa obediently following in her wake.....

* * *

 

 

...which, thought Sam idly, as she continued to enjoy being able to feel nothing except the bone warming massage of the hot water as it pounded on her back, was how she'd ended up having a rather speedy yet surreal shower, trying to get all the metallic soil off her body as Teal'c, with his back dutifully turned, recorded all the items she called out as needing for the rebuild, his deep rumbling voice echoing around the empty locker room when he recited the list back to her as she toweled herself vaguely dry before pulling on a clean set of BDUs and running through the corridors to save the world....again.

* * *

 

"We'll be right out here Doc..." explained Jack, leaning against the wall by the entrance to the locker room, Daniel and Teal'c stopping with him, their purpose clear - as long as Janet was in the locker room, no one else would be going in - the guys had the arguments already defeated, be it with rank, diplomacy or sheer physical bulk.

"Thanks Jack..."

"Don't mention it..." declared Jack, literally. 'Don't ask, don't tell' was a complex minefield for a CO like Jack, despite how happy he was for Sam and Janet. Smiling in thanks, Janet slipped into the steamy locker room, immediately locating her lover's open locker and, fortunately for them all, no one else around.

 

* * *

 

'Why does this always have to happen right before my downtime?' grumbled Sam, still lost in the sensations of her shower, content to stand there enjoying the hot water until there was no more - it was the only way she knew of to really recover from these grueling, never ending days. 'Why can't I get the crap beat out of me and then do an epic techno miracle when I've just had some restful leave? Why...'

Sam's inner monologue was brought to a sudden halt when her view, which had previously been of the white tile floor of the shower, was intruded on...by a pair of small, familiar, bare feet.

"Hey..." muttered Janet, just loud enough to be heard over the shower, threading her fingers into Sam's wet hair, guiding her lover's face up to look at her. noticing as she did, with a clinician's gaze, that Sam's face showed heavy smudges of exhaustion and that the blonde had been far too tired to even bother taking off her dog tags which now splashed wetly back against Sam's chest.

"Hey..." repeated Sam, looking at her lover in confusion. Why was Janet having a shower with her?

"You're crashing sweetie..." explained Janet kindly, guiding her pruning lover out of the shower and wrapping them both in big towels which she'd snagged from the infirmary's special 'fluffy' store, rather than relying on the coarser locker room issued ones, leaving the shower running - someone else could worry about it later.

"Huh?" blinking, Sam let her lover towel her dry before pulling a t shirt over her head to prevent a chill being caught, before Janet began efficiently toweling herself dry and redressing in the scrubs and lab coat she had removed a moment earlier.

"You tired and sore?"

"Yeah..." agreed Sam, watching Janet's every move as if it were the first time she'd ever seen someone get dressed.

"Hammond's gonna send you home for a rest once the briefing's done..."

"Briefing....oh!" Suddenly, Sam's bemused and overworked brain reassembled itself as she realised what had happened.

"You want a hand?" asked Janet, recognising the 'eureka' moment but choosing to ignore it for the moment, more concerned about getting Sam back into some clean and warm clothes.

"Mmm...I haven't done this for ages..." observed Sam, meekly submitting to Janet's intervention when it came to putting on socks and boots.

"Daniel's confused..." explained Janet, tying the last of the laces, reminded Sam that the only two other times this had happened had both been whilst Daniel was ascended.

"Ah...I'll explain..."

"Jack probably already has...ready?" asked Janet, holding out her hand to her lover who gratefully took it to help her stand before automatically letting go since they were still on base, a fact it would have helped if she'd remembered sooner.

"Ready..." Flashing a brilliant yet weary smile at Janet, Sam headed for the door, bracing herself for the teasing that would come.

"You squeaky clean Carter?"

"Yes Sir...sorry sir..."

"Just as long as you left me some hot water...."

"Yes Sir, it's already running for you Sir..." confirmed Sam, nodding her head back towards the locker room with the still running shower before heading towards the briefing room to apologize to General Hammond for losing track of time.

"Doctor Fraiser?"

"Yes Teal'c?" asked Janet, as the four of them set off following in Carter's weary wake.

"What part of Major Carter 'squeaks' when she is clean?"


	21. If you must stomp....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day I will lose this ability to write nice fluffy stories....until then, I just write...
> 
> CHALLENGE: Sam/Janet, infirmary, sneakers

The infirmary was finally quiet, with no patients and few staff as, after a busy day, Janet Fraiser had welcomed her night shift staff into her infirmary with the observation that,

"It's empty, and I'd like it to stay that way. If you must stomp about, do it in your socks, I have a headache..." before heading to her office. She still had several hours of work ahead of her and, if something happened, she would respond, but otherwise, she was treating paperwork, not patients.

Recognising when not to bother their boss, the night shift had swung into action, taking care to not go near the CMO's office for fear of disturbing her. Janet Fraiser was a great CMO because she never felt that any patient or procedure was beneath her, getting involved in all the work and not standing on unnecessary ceremony. Unfortunately, that tendency did mean she often got involved when she really didn't need to, resulting in her late nights and paperwork backlogs. Determined not to contribute further to their overworked boss, the on-call staff took the decision to move all their work to the opposite end of the infirmary in an attempt to leave Janet alone.

"Jess?" Sam Carter came into the patient-less infirmary and stopped the nearest nurse she recognised.

"Yes Ma'am?" replied the nurse formally, only to earn a waved instruction to relax from Sam. It was past 10pm and Sam was wearing her sweaty workout clothes, hardly a time for the blonde astrophysicist to care much about ceremony.

"She still here?" she asked, with little preamble, recognising Jess as one of Janet's more senior nurses, and one who was 'in-the-know' about their relationship.

"Triaging paperwork in her office..." explained Jess, relaxing her stance but reluctant to launch into an informal conversation with Major Carter about her boss, even if they were lovers.

"Bad day?" asked Sam, curious. She'd been off-world for 4 days on a planet whose day was about 11 hours off from Colorado, explaining why, when she'd returned at 10am she'd barely been able to stay awake through the briefing and why now, after a decent 8 hours sleep, she'd been up and running in the gym. The rest of the SGC had completely bypassed her.

"We're all at the other end of the infirmary tonight," explained Jess, gesturing towards the corner with all the activity which right now amounted to nothing more dramatic than a hushed game of 'Snap'. Without any patients there was only so much general tidying you could do in an infirmary run by Janet Fraiser.

"Headache?" guessed Sam, running her fingers through her sweaty hair, unwittingly making her look even more like a hedgehog than she thought her hair normally did.

"She told us to stomp in our socks..."

"Thanks Jess..." Another vague wave and smile and Jess nodded and headed back to her colleagues, intent on getting the card game to stop. Either they were going to need to treat Major Carter for injuries sustained whilst interrupting Dr Fraiser when she was nursing a headache, or, and it was the second option Jess was mentally putting money on, the tall blonde would coax the CMO out of her infirmary and home to bed....either way, getting caught playing cards was not going to do any of their careers much good.

 

Stopping a couple of paces short of the open doorway, Sam took a moment to observe her lover unseen. She didn't need many degrees to work out that Janet had not had a good day, with the smaller woman's shoulders hunched around a tense neck which was clearly visible owing to the blue scrubs that her lover was wearing: Janet only wore scrubs outside the operating theatre when she had run out of uniforms.

Walking quietly into the office, her footsteps muffled by the sneakers she was still wearing, Sam came up behind Janet, relying on her lover's incredible ability to subconsciously identify Sam's presence and recognise her as being 'safe' even without her conscious mind being aware of her lover's presence. Once close, Sam was content just to stand and wait for Janet to become fully aware of her presence.

"You've been to the gym..." murmured Janet finally, when she became aware of who was standing behind her, too tired to look up or turn around.

"Mmm...tough day?" asked Sam softly, placing her hands on Janet's shoulders and beginning a gentle massage that immediately started working, so experienced was Sam at undoing her lover's knots.

"I ran out of uniforms at 2 something..." explained Janet, suddenly glad she was wearing scrubs when Sam took advantage of the lack of collar and big neck to slip her hands inside and actually begin massaging soft skin rather than coarse fabric.

"But it's better now?" asked Sam, remembering the empty infirmary.

"SG3 and SG7 came back with superficial scrapes and scratches...but they were very...messy to fix..." The firm but tender massage was starting to lull Janet towards sleep.

"Messy?" Sam queried the unusual word from her lover - Janet was normally more precise.

"Native weapons with anti-coll.." Janet was so tired her mouth was no longer cooperating with her brain's ability to think in multi-syllabic medical speak, forcing her to rephrase, "The cuts wouldn't clot...oh, and they were swamp dwellers..."

"Easy to fix?"

"Very...all organics that we have here....but hell on my uniforms...got through 4 coats too...." mumbled Janet, dropping her head all the way back now she felt her muscles were loose enough to move, affording her an interesting upside down view of Sam.

"Hello..."

"Hi..." Sam's view was equally attractive...it seemed the good doctor had run out of bras as well as white coats and uniforms.

"You're sweaty..." observed Janet lazily, taking in the shorts and faded, sweat soaked t-shirt which, whilst baggy, somehow did something quite fabulous to her lover's figure.

"And you're sleepy..."

"Mmm...How'd you get here without me knowing?" asked Janet suddenly, not remembering doing Sam's medical that morning. Deliberately misinterpreting the question, Sam pointed to her feet and said

"Sneakers..." before pulling back Janet's chair and helping the bemused, exhausted doctor to her feet.

"C'mon Jan..."

"Where we going?" mumbled Janet, nearly asleep as she leant against Sam's warm sweaty body which, because it was her lover, felt comforting and nice, rather than nasty and sweaty.

"Home..." Anything further in the conversation was lost as Janet, finally relaxed and utterly exhausted, literally fell asleep on her feet, propped up against Sam who, on realising this, smiled and muttered

"Good job I skipped the final weights..." before scooping her lover into her arms as easily as Teal'c would carry her, before heading out through the deserted base. It was time for the CMO to hand her infirmary over to someone else for a while...


	22. September in the Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> Challenge: Sam/Janet, Washington DC, Bar Stool

Stepping into the dimly lit bar, Sam Carter struggled to find the right words to say what she was thinking.  It was not an unusual situation, and explained why SG1 was so much better when Daniel Jackson was around.  Ironically, the blonde major had a reputation for being the 'cool head in a crisis', always knowing the right techno-babble to get them out of every eventuality.  The reality was far more mundane - it wasn't that Sam could say the right words, just that Jack O'Neill was way quicker on the draw with the very, very wrong words.  Unfortunately, Jack O'Neill wasn't here to beat her to the punch.

 

"We've all of DC to drink in, and you pick this place?" The words were out of Sam's mouth before she could censor them.  It wasn't what she'd said that was triggering the napoleonic powermonger's glare right now, but rather the tone with which she'd said them.  If there was one thing that got that particular glare going from zero to maximum roasting in nano-seconds, it was scathing disdain.

 

"You want to rephrase that Ms 'I was stationed at the Pentagon, I'll pick the best bars to go to'?" asked Janet icily, furtively glancing into the depths of the bar to make sure that her memory was right.  Yup, this was the place, and it hadn't changed a bit.

 

"It wasn't my fault Jezzie's had closed for refurbishment!" protested Sam, wincing at the memory of an hour earlier when, full of enthusiasm, she'd lead her lover to her once favourite haven of smoky jazz civilian relaxation, only to find it closed for a refurbishment.  To say Janet was grumpy when they stood on the damp sidewalk would be an understatement.  It was a miracle the falling rain wasn't sizzling away on contact with the brunette's skin.

 

"Well, we're somewhere now...." groused Janet, handing her dripping coat to Sam, already forgetting her annoyance at the hour's trek through a wet and wild DC in search of a convivial environment and a good drink.  "I'm going to the bar..." and with a flick of her hair, she mock-stomped to the bar, already eying her once favourite bar stool.  It was good to come back to it.....

 

Bemused at her lover's behaviour, Sam scrutinised Janet's strut through the quiet bar, absently noticing the vaguely familiar song playing on the juke box.  The words Janet had said to her suggested annoyance, the dumped coat demonstrated a loss of patience, but the strut....that was something else, something that Janet knew caused interesting things to happen deep inside Sam.

 

Intrigued, but also concerned, Sam hurried through the tables after her lover.  Janet was up to something, but what Sam couldn't fathom.  Coming up behind Janet, Sam was caught with the scent of her lover's shampoo, a scent that, whilst beguiling for the blonde virtually all the time, was surprisingly strong suddenly....as if Janet's hair was now only an inch away from Sam's nose.  Depositing both wet jackets on the floor below Janet's feet, Sam began to straighten, only to freeze as her brain processed the seductively crossed legs encased in shimmering stockings....

 

"Surprise?" husked Janet, reaching forwards and raking her fingers through the short hair at the base of Sam's skull, understanding what had caused her lover's brain to short circuit on.  Swallowing thickly, her voice suddenly gone, Sam could only nod, as her mind recalled the planet of torrential rain but interesting plants, when, stuck the wrong side of a mudflow, she and Janet had been forced to play twenty questions. The fact that they were millions of light years away from 'don't ask, don't tell' and the only humans on the planet had only helped the new lovers' questions turn steamy....

 

_"Tell me a fantasy you have involving me...." dared Janet, shrinking further into her poncho...  "How do you know I have a fantasy involving you?" countered Sam, willing her ears not to turn bright red with embarrassment.  Her problem wasn't that she couldn't think of any fantasies, but that she couldn't bring herself to say them.  "Your ears are bright red.....spill!"  "Umm...." Sam stalled for as long as she could, but finally could resist no longer.  Settling for the tamest one she could picture in the hope she could stutter it out, she said shyly... "A thunderstorm....a quiet bar....juke box playing....and you on a bar stool...so we're the same height...just drinking beer and kissing...."  "Hmm....I like it..." interjected Janet, surprised by the innocence, but more surprised by how warm and loved it made her feel.  She was so caught up in her own reaction that she almost missed Sam's postscript....  "...a short skirt and stockings wouldn't hurt...."_

 

Raking her fingers through the soft hairs, Janet let her hand drift down Sam's back, encouraging her to stand up....

 

"How's my bar stool sweetheart?" she cooed once their eyes were level.    Smiling in response, Sam pressed her body up against Janet and murmured  "Perfect...just like you" in Janet's ear, which conveniently for Sam, was at just the right height to ensure that much attention could be lavished there, and also on Janet's neck....something that could quite possibly be Sam's most favourite pastime...assuming she could ever get Janet on this bar stool again....it was so much more enjoyable when Sam didn't get a crick in her own neck.....

 


End file.
